


Come Back To Me

by MSSmysterygirl



Category: Frozen (2013)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:48:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MSSmysterygirl/pseuds/MSSmysterygirl
Summary: "It should have been me, Anna. It should have been me." Anna's fingers continued their gentle massage through her hair and Elsa felt herself winding down. Anna had always known how to thaw out her sister's ice. It was a shame Elsa hadn't let her into her heart sooner. (Elsanna, rated M for content, see warnings in chapter 1)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well! You guys just can't get rid of me, can you? ;) If you've read my stuff before you've probably noticed I tend to write on the heavier side, content-wise, for my longer stories. However, I'm just a sucker for happy endings so don't worry, babies won't hurt forever. I toiled for AGES over how to present this one. I wrote it starting from here figuring I'd add the beginning later but it never came. So to preface: this is Elsanna. They are sisters. There's no smut but it's rated M for content. Their "unsisterly" relationship is more implied than anything. It's more about how their relationship bends and twists and nearly breaks because of what happened, and how they eventually find their way back to each other. Warnings:non-graphic insinuation of rape and abuse, PTSD, dissociation, panic, guilt, could be triggering for any ED-soldiers as it mentions Anna's thinness. Other than that, enjoy. Xo.

** Come Back To Me **

****By MSSmysterygirl

 

The soldiers who brought Anna back wouldn't let Elsa see her at first. They came back on a ship that docked at just after midnight, and a carriage was driven almost _onto_ the ship to collect the princess, and the royal guards would not let Elsa near, despite her doing everything in her power except _ordering_ them to let her near. In the back of her mind she knew there was a reason she was being kept away.

Kristoff was there because Elsa had asked him to be. He had come immediately. He leapt out of the carriage as it pulled up in front of the gangway, ran right onto the ship and disappeared into its interior. One of Elsa's handmaidens turned her gently around as Kristoff and two soldiers escorted a hunched, slow-moving figure down the gangway and into the carriage. The driver snapped the reins harshly and the horses took off into the night, toward the castle.

Climbing back into her own carriage, a few hundred feet away, Elsa had to bite down hard on her lip to keep from bursting into tears in front of her handmaiden and driver and God himself, who could have been sitting right beside her and she wouldn't have noticed in that moment. "T-to the castle," Elsa's voice wavered as she spoke to her driver. "Please," she added, because she was nothing if not polite.

* * *

Kristoff met Elsa at the castle door. She all but fell into his arms, weak with worry, and he gathered her up against his rough coat, gently rubbing her shoulder. She clutched onto him like a frightened child, using nearly every ounce of self-control she had not to cry or inadvertently turn Kristoff into a snowman.

After a few moments, she found herself able to pull back and look at Kristoff. She was hoping he would have that easygoing twinkle in his eyes that she was so used to seeing. She was waiting for him to tell her that Anna would be fine. But he didn't.

"How is she?" Elsa managed to ask.

"She's… in bad shape," he confided, not meeting Elsa's eyes.

Elsa felt her blood turn cold in her veins. Despite the rumors that had flown around after The Coronation Catastrophe (as Anna sometimes called it) and the ensuing not-so-eternal-after-all winter, her body temperature was the same as anyone else's and she was, in fact, warm blooded. Although not right at this moment.

"I want to see her," Elsa said flatly. "Now." She started to push past Kristoff.

"No, wait," Kristoff grabbed her arm as she passed, then let go of it immediately. "Your Majesty, Your Highness, sorry, _Elsa._ " He pinched the bridge of his nose."Whatever it is I'm supposed to call you, please just give her a little bit. The staff is, uh, cleaning her up." Kristoff shifted uncomfortably. "She just… she just needs a little time. And with all due respect, you'd probably set off some kind of blizzard if you saw her right now. So please, just wait."

He was probably right about that last part, Elsa decided. Instead she went to her bedchambers and paced the giant rectangular rug for an hour until someone knocked hesitantly on her door. The room immediately frosted over and Elsa flung the door open so hard she almost ripped it right out of the wall. One of Anna's handmaidens stood there, her eyes red-rimmed and her hands shaking.

"Y-Your Majesty, if you'd like, you may come and s-see the princess now. She's in her—"

_Whoosh._

"—bedchambers," the handmaiden finished in a cloud of snow and ice crystals as Elsa blew past her and charged down the hall.

When Elsa reached Anna's door, she pulled up short and stopped. She took a deep breath, reminded herself that there were members of the staff in there who, first of all, didn't know about Anna's and her _unsisterly_ relationship and second, didn't need to see her cry. She was their _queen_ for heaven's sake. She needed to keep control and not show emotion, just as she had for years as a young girl. _Conceal, don't feel._ The familiar saying played repeatedly in her mind. Steeling herself, Elsa knocked three times and opened the door.

Stoically, she approached the bed where her sister lay, motionless. Her eyes were closed, her long lashes resting gently against her cheeks. Her head was turned just slightly to the side and her lips were parted just the tiniest amount. Her hair was wet from just having been washed and was gently framing her beautiful, innocent face as she slept. She looked _thin_ , Elsa noted immediately.

Anna's other handmaiden, Lara, was standing beside the bed. Her face was wet with tears. "Your Majesty," she bowed slightly to Elsa.

"Wh-what happened to her?" The words somehow found their way out of Elsa's suddenly dry mouth. Her heart pounded against her ribs.

"Well," Lara said, unable to look at Elsa. "It appears, Your Majesty, that she was being kept with the soldiers from the Isles."

Elsa's eyes strayed back to Anna's sleeping figure. "What do you mean 'kept'?" Her voice remained even, despite the fact that she could feel tears pushing at the backs of her eyes. She felt her control over her icy magic slipping and clenched her fists to keep from accidentally starting a series of snow flurries.

"Sometimes, Your Majesty, soldiers like to keep a woman around to, ah, entertain themselves with. Apparently the General tried to get information from her and when she refused to give it, she was sent by train to the camps where the soldiers stay. It was there that she was found by our soldiers, Your Majesty."

It took nearly a minute before Elsa could push down the emotion enough to get any words out. "They — they _used_ her?" Ice began forming at Elsa's feet and spread steadily outwards.

Lara pretended not to notice the ice as fresh tears sneaked their way out of her eyes and coursed down her cheeks. "Y-yes, Your Majesty, it appears that way."

It was hardly surprising that Lara was reacting this way. Anna had the kindest heart, the purest soul, the sweetest nature of anyone Elsa had ever known. The fact that someone would - _could,_ even - hurt an innocent young woman like that, regardless of whether or not she was royalty, was nothing short of horrifying.

Elsa could feel herself coming apart. Her body was literally shaking with effort. "Thank you, Lara," she almost whispered, trying her damnedest to keep a full blown snow tornado from springing to life in the middle of the room. "You may go."

As soon as Lara departed, Elsa sat gently on the edge of Anna's bed. She studied Anna's face as she slept. She almost appeared peaceful. Elsa had hope that maybe Kristoff had been exaggerating when he said Anna was in bad shape.

Elsa shifted herself on the edge of Anna's bed and the motion brought Anna back to consciousness. Her eyes opened slowly. They were unfocused and dull. There was no emotion, no life in those amazing teal eyes as they stared, almost unseeing, into Elsa's own blue ones. It was obvious that Anna had mentally gone somewhere very far away to deal with what had happened to her.

Elsa absolutely shattered. She covered her mouth with one hand and burst into tears. Her stomach twisted helplessly, over and over, and Elsa was glad she hadn't eaten anything in almost half a day because certainly it would have made a reappearance now. She catapulted herself off the edge of Anna's bed and strode quickly over to the fireplace. She grabbed ahold of the mantle and tried desperately to get herself under control, jagged spikes of ice popping out all along the length of the mantle shelf. After a minute or so of deep breaths, she turned back around, now just crying silent tears.

She slowly approached Anna's bed again. Anna had turned onto her side, facing away from Elsa — another sign that there was absolutely nothing exaggerated about what Kristoff had said earlier. Elsa perched carefully on the edge of the bed again, and laid a gentle hand on Anna's shoulder. The moment her hand made contact, Anna reacted. Her thin shoulders drew upward towards her ears, her back muscles tensed and she held completely and utterly still.

"Anna, it's just me," Elsa whispered hoarsely. "I won't— y-you're safe now." Elsa squeezed her eyes closed when Anna didn't react at all. All Elsa wanted was for Anna to look at her. She wanted to hold Anna, tell her how much she loved her and that everything would be all right. She was home now. She was safe. Elsa was here and wouldn't let anything happen to her. Except she _couldn't_ say that because she hadn't stopped this from happening in the first place. She should have been more vigilant. She should have protected Anna. Should have done something, _anything,_ differently. She hadn't directly hurt Anna this time, but she might as well have. "I'm so sorry, Anna. I'm so, so sorry."

Anna took a deep inhale, but didn't respond.

"I should have protected you more. I should have done something to stop it, to save you. I would do anything to go back and do it differently now. You are… the most important thing — the _only_ important thing — in my life. You are everything to me, Anna, and I wasn't there for you. Again. God, I'd do _anything_ to go back and take your place. I—I wish it had been me."

No sooner were those words out of Elsa's mouth that Anna finally came alive. She flipped over so fast that Elsa actually jumped. Her lovely, turquoise eyes were looking up at Elsa intensely. She spoke one word, and one word only, but that was all it took to convey everything.

"No."

Her voice was flat and void of emotion, so unlike Anna that Elsa actually sobbed. This was not her sister. Hans and his brother, with the help of their soldiers, had taken her vibrant, fearless, happy sister and destroyed her heart and spirit. Elsa wasn't sure, at that moment, if she'd ever get her back again. But, she realized, there was a glimmer of Anna in there. By saying no, Anna was saying she didn't want Elsa to be in her place, to go through everything she had just gone through herself. Anna was selflessly protecting Elsa again, just as she had against Hans the first time.

Anna had been willing to die for Elsa. She hadn't known she would turn to solid ice in the instant right before Hans' sword would touch her. For all she knew, Hans would strike her dead with his sword instead of Elsa, who was his intended target. Anna had known that and still put herself between his weapon and Elsa without even a second thought. Not only that, she had run _away_ from Kristoff to do so, thereby cementing her devotion to and love for her sister above all else. Elsa had sworn to Anna and herself, after that incident, that she would never allow Anna to be put in a position like that again. And she'd failed.

Elsa picked up Anna's cold, shaking hand. Anna flinched but didn't pull away. Progress. "God, Anna, I'm just so sorry. I failed you. Again. I promised you I'd never let—"

"Stop," Anna's hollow voice interrupted. She said no more, but that was enough. She didn't want Elsa blaming herself anymore. This was no more Elsa's fault than it was hers. Somehow the fact that the Southern Isles had a major group of officials as well as royalty turning against Arendelle, and the princess and queen in particular, had escaped the knowledge of everyone. Neither Elsa nor Anna had seen it coming. Anna knew that. Her eyes were starting to close again. All she wanted was to drift off, back to blissfully empty sleep. As the darkness closed in on her and her eyes began to roll back, she squeezed Elsa's hand. She wanted to say, _I love you. I don't blame you. I love you. I'm okay._ But she couldn't, especially not that last part. Because she wasn't okay, and she honestly wasn't sure she ever would be again.

* * *

Things went from bad to worse over the next few days. Rather than improving, Anna actually became _more_ withdrawn, sleeping most of the time and refusing to eat, getting up only to use the bathroom with the help of Elsa or one of her handmaidens, and even that was becoming less and less frequent. She hadn't eaten in days and barely drank. Elsa begged her, pleaded with her, but Anna would just close her eyes and turn her head away. She was already so thin, so fragile, and Elsa couldn't imagine that she could go on like this much longer without disappearing altogether.

At night, Elsa would sit on the edge of Anna's bed and hold her hand, rubbing her thumb gently over the back of Anna's hand until she was too tired to sit up anymore. Then she would sit in a chair next to the bed, rest her head on the edge of the mattress and doze on and off until morning, nightmares plaguing her constantly. However, the nightmare she found upon waking was worse than anything her exhausted, distraught mind could conjure up. Elsa had to delegate most of her work out to other people because she flat-out refused to leave her sister.

Anna's sleep was fitful at times but she also had periods of sleep so deep that Elsa sometimes thought she was dead. She would literally have to put her hand above Anna's mouth to feel if any breath was being exhaled and she would nearly collapse with relief when she felt Anna's breath warm against her hand. When Anna would open her eyes and look right _through_ Elsa with that dull, blank stare, Elsa's heart would break into a thousand pieces. Once, she had to excuse herself and went into Anna's bathroom where she cried so hard she threw up in the sink.

Finally, on the fifth day, Anna barely woke up at all. Elsa found herself so unbelievably angry. Angry with the soldiers of the Isles. Angry with Hans and the entire royal family. Angry with Arendelle's soldiers for not finding Anna sooner (although deep down she knew that wasn't their fault), but most of all she was angry with _herself_ for letting this happen to Anna.

"I want to freeze them all," Elsa sobbed into her folded arms, resting on the edge of Anna's mattress. "I want to freeze them forever so they can never get out. Never see their families. Never hurt anyone ever again. I want to build a huge snow bird and fly over there and freeze every single person living there." Her voice gave out and she just shook with silent sobs, convinced that her sister would just fade away right here in the bed. All because she failed to protect her the way she'd promised. Snow swirled angrily around the room and icicles hung from every beam in the ceiling as well as the chandelier. The fire flickered in the hearth as Elsa's icy wind blew through it and up the chimney.

A minute passed, then Elsa nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt a hand on the back of her head. She froze. Every snowflake in the room suddenly halted right where it was and hung eerily in mid-air. She didn't dare move her head for fear that either Anna would remove her hand or that it would turn out to be Elsa's imagination after all.

"Shh," came Anna's almost inaudible whisper and her fingers softly moved through Elsa's hair, and that just made Elsa cry harder because even in the horrible state Anna was in right now, _she_ was trying to comfort _Elsa._

"It should have been me, Anna. It should have been _me_." Elsa wondered briefly if she was going to throw up again. The guilt was just so _heavy_ it felt like a rock sitting in her stomach. Anna's fingers continued their gentle massage through her hair and Elsa felt herself winding down. Her storm was quieting and the snowflakes were starting to fall softly, silently to the ground, dissipating into thin air inches above the ground. One by one the icicles hanging from the ceiling spiraled away into millions of tiny ice crystals.

Anna had always known how to thaw out her sister's ice. It was a shame Elsa hadn't let her into her heart sooner.

Elsa fell asleep with her head under her sister's hand and, for the first time in days, she didn't dream at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: flashbacks, PTSD, maybe a few minor triggers for eating disorders (really just at the beginning but we're phasing out of that, promise), angst angst and MORE angst, but don't worry, this story WILL have a happy ending eventually. We just have to get there first. :)

** CHAPTER 2 **

When Elsa woke up, the sunlight was slanting in through the massive windows. She jerked her head up in surprise. The curtains were open and the bed was empty. "Anna?!" Elsa leapt to her feet, her eyes darting frantically around the room. Anna was nowhere in sight.

"In here, Your Majesty," a voice called from the door to Anna's bathroom.

Elsa turned and noticed the door ajar and steam billowing out. Crossing the room in less than four strides, Elsa carefully pushed open the door. Anna, looking gaunt but alive, was sitting in a chair, wrapped in her favorite green robe, having her wet hair combed through by Lara. Anna's eyes were sunken and despite all the sleep she'd gotten, there were still dark circles under her eyes. Her skin was so pale that her freckles seemed to stand out even more than usual. Her hands were clasped in her lap and her gaze was on the floor. But she was alive.

Rooted to her spot, Elsa just stared at her sister. The doorknob turned completely icy under her hand. The steam in the room immediately dissipated.

"Your—Your Majesty?" Lara, feeling the temperature drop sharply, looked up from Anna's hair.

"Anna," Elsa whispered, unable to move. Her heart would surely shatter into a thousand icy pieces if she moved even a single muscle. She hardly dared to breathe.

"You're all done, Your Highness," Lara said quietly. "Let's stand you up." She held Anna's shoulders gently as the princess rose unsteadily to her feet.

Elsa gasped. Anna was so thin, so fragile, so _un-Anna-like_ that the sight nearly brought her to her knees. She clutched the icy doorknob to keep herself upright.

Slowly, the aquamarine eyes that Elsa loved so much lifted up from the floor and landed on her. Was she imagining it, or did she see the hard, empty eyes soften just a tiny bit when they looked at her?

"Anna," Elsa said again, more controlled this time. "I'm going to walk over to you. And I'm going to hug you." She didn't know what in God's name Anna had gone through, at least not entirely, while in the Southern Isles and she wasn't sure she wanted to know, but it was safe to say that Anna was nearly wrecked and Elsa wasn't going to do _anything_ that could possibly scare her sister right now. Telling her ahead of time what she was going to do seemed like a good idea.

Anna didn't say anything, but just continued to look at her sister. Elsa couldn't be sure if the words were even registering. She walked measuredly across the floor, trying to keep from turning the floor into an ice rink as she went, and carefully wrapped her arms around her sister, burying her face into Anna's shoulder, breathing in the scent of her. Elsa's hands splayed out across Anna's back, feeling her protruding shoulder blades, ribs and vertebrae pressing against her fingers. Under her cheek, Anna's collarbone was sharp through her robe. The graceful curve of Anna's jawbone was gone, replaced by a shocking edge of bone under skin.

Just when Elsa thought Anna might be comatose, she felt her sister's thin arms raise and wrap around her waist and the fragile body relaxed against her just the tiniest bit. It wasn't anything like the warm, inviting hugs Elsa was used to from her sister, but it was a damn good start.

* * *

Much to the palace doctor's frustration and Elsa's horror, Anna was still refusing food. When they managed to finally convince Anna to try to eat something later that same day, it hadn't gone well. Elsa herself had gone to the kitchen and made Anna a piece of toast. She had carefully spread the butter on it and drizzled a touch of honey, just the way Anna loved it. It had taken her almost twenty minutes but Anna had managed to eat the whole piece of toast, only to turn pale and throw it back up in addition to the tea that Elsa had also convinced her to consume. It was clear that Anna's body was not ready for that. Lara suggested something only liquid instead, and Anna nodded her head mutely, agreeing to try it. So after they cleaned her up and got her situated in a chair, Lara went off to find something liquid and nutritious for Anna.

Sitting on a chair pulled up in front of Anna's, Elsa sat face to face with her sister, holding her hands. "Anna, you've got to eat," Elsa pleaded. Then she added, "I mean, you've got to eat and keep it down. You'll starve."

Anna looked away, her lips slightly pursed and her nostrils slightly flared.

_She doesn't care_ , Elsa realized, horrified. _She doesn't care if she dies._

"Look at me," Elsa said, more sharply than she intended to. "Please," she amended, more softly.

When their eyes met, Elsa just started talking. "I know you may not care if you live or die, Anna of Arendelle, but _I_ do. _I_ care. You are so valuable to everyone. I may be the queen but I'd be nothing without you, and so would all of Arendelle. You are the one who connects to people, Anna, not me. You are the one who always wants to throw parties for the townspeople, to 'spoil them', as you would say. You are the one who knows which families are needing extra help and you make sure they get what they need. I love Arendelle, Anna, but nobody loves it like _you_. I love our people, but I don't know them like you do. They love me, but they love you most. _I_ love you, Anna. I can't speak for all of Arendelle, but I know I can't live without you. So please, please don't make me. If you can't live for yourself, live for me and for the country and city you love so much and that love you back. Please, Anna, stay for us."

Anna's eyes closed and she visibly inhaled, her thin shoulders rising just a little as her chin dropped toward her chest minutely. She was steeling herself, Elsa realized. Then Anna's eyes opened and she spoke.

"I don't know how to _be_ ," she whispered. "I can't feel anything."

"I know, baby." Elsa squeezed her sister's hands. "I'm sure it will be hard but you're not ever going to have to do it alone. Kristoff is here for you, Lara and Astrid are here for you, _I'm_ here for you… You're not alone, Anna, but you can't do anything if your body isn't strong enough."

As if on cue, Lara reentered the room carrying a cup of milk warmed up with honey and cinnamon. "Here, Your Highness," Lara handed the cup to Anna, who held it up to her face, breathing in the scent. Her eyes fluttered closed for a minute and Elsa knew exactly which memories were running through Anna's mind just then. Scenes of playing in the snow, both inside and outside, Christmas trees, making _fattigman_ cookies with Lara, Astrid and Hilda in the kitchen, warm fires and Mama and Papa. This was the drink that they had in the wintertime as little girls.

Elsa was shocked when two tiny tears slipped out from under Anna's closed eyelids and slid down her cheeks. _Maybe she_ can _feel,_ Elsa thought. Without opening her eyes, Anna brought the cup to her lips and took a sip. Then another, and another. In less than five minutes the cup was empty. Anna's eyes opened slowly and they shone. Still not as animated as they used to be, but it was definitely a step in the right direction.

"Better?" Whispered Elsa, cupping Anna's cheek in one hand and running her thumb across, wiping away the tear that was drying there.

"Yes," Anna answered. Then she turned toward Lara, standing patiently by the door. "Please, Lara. Can you make more?"

* * *

Over the next few days, Anna improved steadily, much to Elsa's delight. At least, physically she improved. Emotional improvement was a bit less forthcoming. After several days of eating small amounts of food, color was coming back into Anna's cheeks. But the trauma of what she'd been through couldn't be forgotten or ignored, and every so often, during the day, Anna would go completely still and a vacant look would come into her eyes. The first time it happened, Elsa panicked and was nearly shaking her sister, calling her name over and over to no avail. Eventually, Anna had shaken herself out of it, eyes darting around the room in alarm before recognizing her surroundings. But after that, Elsa learned to just wait patiently for Anna to come back to her. She always did.

The first sign of Anna's dissociative state faltering happened about a week and a half after her return to Arendelle. She and Elsa were sitting in Elsa's study, working. Well, Elsa was working. She had finally taken back some of her work but still refused to let Anna out of her sight. So Elsa sat at her desk and Anna sat in a chair off to the side, watching her. Every so often, Elsa would glance over at Anna, her eyes shining softly.

Anna lost herself in the movement of Elsa's hand as she wrote corrections on a document. Elsa was left-handed and, as such, had to hold her hand in an interesting way to avoid getting ink all over her pinky finger. Anna had always been amused by Elsa's awkward way of holding pens and pencils, and she was amazed that Elsa's handwriting was as lovely as it was, given the way she had to write.

"Damn," Elsa swore quietly as she snapped off the tip of her quill by accident.

A few feet away, Anna suddenly went rigid.

_"_ _She won't talk, your Grace," Anna could hear Johann's voice say, down the hall. "I tried everything and she's nearly starved now."_

_"_ _Damn," Prince Hans swore in response. General Berven sighed. "Well," he said. "I guess that's that."_

_Heavy, booted footsteps approached the cell where Anna was being held. She feared what was coming but felt fiery resolve burn in her soul. She knew she'd sooner die that give away Arendelle's secrets. She couldn't warn Elsa now but she could do that much, in spite of everything._

_The door flew open. Hans' figure darkened the doorway. "Anna," he spat. "Too proud to say anything to save your own soul?"_

_"_ _Shut up," Anna shot back. "I'll never tell you anything. I'll die before I do."_

_"_ _You might," Hans confirmed. "But first, I have another use for you."_

"NO!" Anna screamed, sitting upright in her chair. She clutched the arms of the chair so tightly her knuckles were white and her eyes darted wildly, trying to understand where she was.

Elsa dropped her broken quill and was instantly on her knees in front of Anna. "What's wrong? What is it?" She asked desperately.

Eyes wide, Anna tried to bolt from her chair but only succeeded in bowling over Elsa, who caught onto her by the waist and they both went tumbling onto the floor.

"Let me go!" Anna screamed, struggling and flailing, trying to pull out of Elsa's grasp. "Let me _go!"_

Elsa, stunned, loosened her grip just enough for Anna to wriggle free, leap to her feet and dash out of the study. Elsa stared after her for a second while her brain tried to catch up to the situation. "Anna!" She yelled, jumping up and running after her sister.

Skidding out the door, Elsa was just in time to see the back end of Anna's dress and the tips of auburn hair round the corner and disappear from sight at the end of the hall. "Damn it!" She hissed, and took off in pursuit, calling Anna's name.

Anna somehow made it down the stairs in her blind terror, not fully realizing where she was. She was caught in a state of half-reality, some part of her brain believing she was still in the Southern Isles and needed to run for her life, despite the fact that her eyes were open and could see that she was, in fact, in Arendelle. It wasn't computing, and Anna was running blindly through the castle, not noticing the walls turning to ice, trying to get away from something that was real only to her in that moment.

It wasn't until she burst through the front doors of the castle and was confronted with a full-on blizzard (a sign that Elsa was beyond distressed, given that it was the first week of June) that she stopped, realizing where she was. Standing in the courtyard in a summer dress, her long hair blowing wildly about her, she faintly heard Elsa's voice calling her name. She turned just in time to see Elsa appear in the doorway through the blowing snow. Anna's lungs burned, gasping for air. All sounds were muffled in her ringing ears. The familiar, welcome blackness feathered the edges of her vision. _Please, take me,_ Anna pleaded to it, and just as Elsa reached her, the blackness granted her wish and she crumbled to the ground.

* * *

Kristoff had arrived at the castle gates on the other side of the courtyard just as the blizzard had ground to a sudden halt, the snowflakes stopping in their tracks, turning to hail crystals and falling, like lead, to the ground. He had been delivering a bunch of ice to a business in town and had dropped everything and rushed to the castle as soon as the unseasonable snow began; throwing open the gates just in time to see Elsa catch Anna right before she hit the ground.

"What happened?" He'd asked Elsa, who was white as a sheet, cradling her sister in her lap.

"I have no idea." Elsa's voice shook helplessly in a way that tugged at Kristoff's heart. "One second we were in my study and I was working and then the next thing I knew, she screamed and took off. Something scared her but I don't know what."

"Let's get her back inside, it's cold out here," Kristoff had said pointedly, gently sliding one arm under Anna's knees and the other behind her back, lifting her easily out of Elsa's arms.

"Sorry," had been Elsa's response, and she'd closed her eyes for a few seconds, starting the hail and snow melting.

Kristoff and Elsa were now both perched on the edge of Anna's bed (as unusual as it was to have a man _not_ on the staff in the bedchambers, both Elsa and Kristoff had insisted and, given the circumstances, the head maid didn't object), watching her eyelids flutter as she slowly came back. Her aquamarine eyes landed first on Elsa, then flicked to Kristoff, then back to Elsa. Then they squeezed closed as she took a deep inhalation. "Sorry," she whispered, without opening her eyes.

"You don't have to apologize," Elsa said quickly, taking her sister's hand. "I'm — _we're —_ just glad you're awake." Elsa's head tilted, indicating Kristoff.

"What happened?" The burly ice harvester asked, his eyebrows knitted in concern.

Anna opened her eyes and stared stonily at the ceiling, saying nothing.

"Was it a memory?" Elsa queried. She couldn't think what else it could have been. "Did something trigger it?"

Kristoff noticed Anna's facial muscles twitch and realized the princess was clenching her teeth. Her nostrils flared ever so slightly and her chest rose and fell just a little faster than before, although she still said nothing. "You're safe, Anna. It's just us," he reassured her.

"I just want to sleep," Anna said, her voice quiet but firm.

"I'll go," Kristoff said, getting up. He kissed his fingertips and blew it to Anna. "Sleep tight, feisty pants." He thought he saw a slight smirk on Anna's face, but he couldn't be sure.

* * *

Elsa was pulling the blankets up around Anna when she spoke again. "I'm not… actually going to sleep."

"You're not?" Elsa's eyebrows rose up a little in confusion.

Anna sighed and closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. "No, I just… didn't want Kristoff to stay."

Elsa's head tilted questioningly, but she said nothing.

"The way he looks at me is just…" Anna's voice trailed off. She stared at the juncture of the wall and the ceiling, her eyes staying on one spot long enough for everything else to disappear from her vision.

"Just what?" Elsa asked gently, sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know," Anna said. She chewed her lip. "So full of pity."

"He's worried about you. We all are."

"I know. I just don't know what to say to him. I know he blames himself, too."

Kristoff had been with Anna at the time she was taken. Of course he, like Elsa and Anna, had no idea there was this much unrest between the two countries. How that fact had escaped Kristoff made perfect sense — he wasn't as knowledgable of such affairs. Elsa was a different story. _She_ should have seen it coming, especially after the events of the eternal winter. But she hadn't, and Anna had paid the price for it.

"Stop that," Anna's voice dug its way into Elsa's thoughts.

"Stop what?" Blue eyes met teal ones.

"Beating yourself up," Anna replied. "It's written all over your face."

Head dropping, Elsa pinched the bridge of her nose. "I know, I know. I can't help it though. And then when Lara told me what had happened to you—"

"Lara told you what happened to me?" Anna interrupted sharply. "What did she tell you?"

Elsa stood up from the bed and walked over to the window. She stared out into the early evening. Bracing her hands on the windowsill, she leaned her forehead against the cool glass.

"Elsa," Anna's voice was flat, even, like a smooth stone. "What did Lara tell you?" It almost came out more like a statement than a question.

"She told me," Elsa said, taking a deep, shaky breath, "that you were kept with the soldiers."

No response.

"And that they tried to get information out of you."

Still no response.

"And that you wouldn't give any."

Still nothing.

"And that they used you."

A small sigh.

"It's true," Anna said, her voice void of emotion. "All of that is true."

Elsa turned around. Anna was staring at the ceiling again, her arms folded across her chest. She had a blank expression on her face. Behind her back, Elsa's hands were clutching the windowsill. A thin layer of ice sprouted up across the windowsill and started heading down the wall.

"Anna…" Elsa began, but couldn't say more past the lump in her throat.

_"_ _Don't!"_ Anna snapped, sounding desperate. "Don't apologize," she added, more softly. "Please don't. I can't stand to hear it again."

"All right," Elsa whispered, returning to the bed. She sat down in the spot she had recently vacated. Anna continued to stare blankly at the ceiling.

"I can't tell you. Not yet." Her voice was as hollow as an empty barrel. "I can't tell you what happened." Elsa could detect the faintest crack in her voice at the end of the last word.

Reaching for her sister's hand, Elsa said, "that's okay, you don't have to say anything. Whenever you're ready to tell me, I'm ready to listen."

Teal eyes flicked over to blue ones. "That's just the thing, Elsa," Anna said with an edge in her voice. "I'm not sure you ever _will_ be ready to listen. You sure as hell won't ever want to hear it."

"W-what do you mean?" Elsa's hand squeezed her sister's fingers gently. "Of course I'm ready to listen. I'm always here for you."

"I know," sighed Anna, her eyes closing briefly. "That's not what I meant. It's just — every time I say anything, you always feel so _guilty_. I'm not trying to make you feel that way. I don't want to hurt you."

Tears welled up instantly in Elsa's eyes. Horrible didn't even _begin_ to describe the experience Anna had had in the Southern Isles, and here she was worried about making _Elsa_ feel bad. She was worried about _Elsa_ being hurt. For some reason, the irony and unfairness of the situation bloomed angrily in Elsa's chest. She let go of Anna's hand and lurched to her feet. Striding forcefully over to the hearth, Elsa slapped her hand flat against the flat stone wall above the fireplace. Pain shot from her hand, down her arm and reverberated through her whole frame.

"What?" Anna asked, sitting up and eyeing Elsa warily.

Elsa laid her forehead against the back of her hand, still on the cool stone. "Nothing I just—" She stopped before she said anything else that made Anna uneasy. "I just hate that you have to keep bearing pain. At all. For any reason," she added quickly, to dispel any negative reaction that might have been brewing in her sister.

Turning back around, Elsa saw that Anna had laid back down and her eyes had closed again, but her teeth were worrying her lip, indicating that she was still awake.

When Anna spoke, her voice was so small and quiet that Elsa almost didn't hear her. "Will you please…"

"What is it?" Elsa asked, approaching Anna's side.

"Just… will you please come lay with me?"

Elsa's throat ached so much she thought she would choke. "Of course," she said, forcing her voice to be even and her emotions to stay hidden. Anna didn't need any more tears. Pulling the covers down, she slid into bed beside her sister. Hesitantly, Anna rested the side of her face against Elsa's shoulder, her left hand seeking out her sister's right hand, winding their fingers together. Within minutes, her breathing evened out and Elsa could tell she'd fallen asleep. Only then did Elsa let her tears leak silently out of her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some PTSD flashback stuff but it all turns out okay. Oh, and welcome back, Kristoff!

**CHAPTER 3**

When Anna floated gently back to consciousness, she had no idea what time it was. When she slept deep like that, she always awoke discombobulated. She could have been asleep for weeks for all she knew. For the first few seconds after waking up, everything was as it should be. Then, like rolling waves, the memories came back. One after another they crashed over her, stealing her breath and causing her body to stiffen.

Her body felt like lead. Her arms and legs appeared to be glued to the bed and opening her eyes seemed impossible. The best thing Anna could liken it to was trying to lift up anvils with her eyelids. A soft groan escaped her lips and she squeezed her eyes closed tighter, trying to will herself back into sleep.

Another soft groan echoed hers and she snapped her eyes open. Turning her head (with a great deal of effort), Anna's eyes lit on the sleeping form of her sister. Queen Elsa. She was laying on her side, facing Anna, her eyelashes resting against the tops of her cheekbones. Her mouth was closed, her perfect cupid's-bow lips pursed slightly as she dreamt. Her long, pale blonde hair was starting to come out of its braid. _She really is beautiful,_ Anna thought, her eyes taking in the sight.

Rolling fully onto her back, Anna contemplated the ceiling. Elsa had always been seen as the prettier of the two of them. It was tough growing up in a family with someone as gorgeous as Elsa. Not that many people had seen Elsa in person between the ages of eight and twenty-one, but Anna had seen her a few times and their parents had commissioned a few paintings of the princesses during Elsa's time of being sequestered, which Anna had seen. So even though Elsa had been something of an enigma all those years, Anna had always known what she looked like.

And she was beautiful. Always had been.

To her parents' credit, though, they had never put a lot of stock in physical beauty. No question, Elsa and Anna's mother was very beautiful. Petite and with a pleasant, kind face, Queen Idunn had been the epitome of beauty to both her girls. But more than that, she was kind, fair, loving and gentle. She had tried her best to help comfort Elsa in her times of fear and had always made time to spend with Anna out in the grounds or lingering over breakfast. She had always been extremely adept at balancing queenly duties with motherhood, at least as much as she could. It had always amazed Anna how their mother could go from helping to establish lucrative trade routes to soothing a scraped knee in a matter of seconds. It was a quality that Anna hoped to one day possess herself.

Anna wished she had known about Elsa's powers before her parents' deaths. She would have very much liked to ask their mother how _she_ felt about the whole thing. After all, it was she who had given birth to Elsa, powers and all. What must _that_ have been like? Was she frightened? Excited? When did they first notice Elsa had powers? Anna tried to imagine baby Elsa accidentally freezing something when she had a tantrum, but the image wouldn't conjure.

"Hey." A soft voice startled Anna out of her reverie, causing her to tense up all over. She jerked her head to the side and saw Elsa looking at her with wide, curious eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"S'fine," Anna mumbled, pressing the heels of her hands into her eye sockets, willing her heart to slow down just a little.

"Are you okay? What are you thinking about?"

"You," Anna answered before she could stop herself.

"Me?" Elsa's eyebrows quirked in surprise. "What about me?"

"I was trying to imagine you as a baby before I was born. I was thinking about Mama and Papa and how it must have been… strange… when you were born with ice powers."

Elsa smiled. "Yes, I'm sure it must have been. I hope I didn't give Mama the chills when she was pregnant with me."

"Did she ever say anything about it?"

Thinking, Elsa pressed her lips together. "Mmm, no, not really. She told me things about after I was born, but not much about before." She propped her head up on her hand, elbow bent against the pillow. "She said I was a calm and sweet baby, but that I definitely had a temper when I became a toddler."

Anna found herself smiling in spite of everything. "Did you have temper tantrums and freeze the castle over?"

Elsa laughed out loud. "No, but I was known to accidentally turn the floor into an ice rink when I was upset."

"You still do that," Anna pointed out.

"Well, it's a lot better than it used to be," Elsa defended herself and Anna had to agree.

Anna rolled over to face Elsa, their faces inches apart. This was the closest Anna had gotten to anyone by choice in a long time. Basking in the warmth of her sister's closeness (Elsa's body temperature was the same as everyone else's despite the rumors that she was cold-blooded) Anna let her eyes drift closed. For one second she could almost forget the terrible things that she had witnessed and endured in the Southern Isles.

_Almost._

Again, as had happened when she first awoke, the memories flooded her. One after another they came, relentlessly pounding down any traces of peace she had been feeling. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to ward off the demons.

"Anna?" Elsa's voice was very far away. " _Anna!_ What's happening?"

Blindly, Anna reached for her sister. She could feel her sense of reality slipping away and needed some tangible connection to the real world. "Elsa!" She gasped, groping blindly for her sister. "Help!"

She felt Elsa's hands clasp hers and hold tight, despite their shaking. _She's scared too,_ Anna realized. Memories zoomed past behind her closed lids. Anna whimpered. "Make it stop, Elsa. Please, make it stop." Her chest heaved as she gasped for air.

Faintly, Anna could hear Elsa's voice soothing her, coaching her, reminding her to breathe. Ever so slowly, the fog of panic receded bit by bit. The world around her came back into focus and her breathing started to even out. Her fingers and toes tingled as blood returned to her entire extremities. A cold sweat broke out over her entire body and she trembled from head to toe.

"It's okay, Anna. I'm here. I've got you. You're safe with me." Elsa's words washed over Anna like water, chasing away the darkness that clouded her mind. "Come back to me, Anna."

All Anna wanted was to curl up in a ball and sleep so deeply that dreams couldn't reach her. She didn't _ever_ want to feel like that again. To her horror, she felt a lump lodge in her throat and tears burn the backs of her eyes. _I can't do this anymore,_ her mind screamed. She pulled away from Elsa and rolled onto her back, eyes pressed shut and hands balled into fists at her sides.

 _Don't touch me, Elsa_ , she pleaded silently. _Please don't touch me._ She knew that if Elsa laid a hand on her or, God forbid, said _anything_ at all to her, she'd fall apart. If she started crying now she'd probably never stop. Her grip on sanity was shaky at best.

Mercifully, Elsa held still. Anna focused on her sister's even breathing and tried to shut everything else out. Eventually she felt Elsa's hand slide into her own but by that time she had calmed down enough that it didn't have a catastrophic effect. Even though she had just woken up less than thirty minutes before, she felt that familiar, comforting lightweight feeling invading her body. It didn't take long before she gave in and, safe under Elsa's watchful eye, let the darkness overtake her once again.

* * *

"Don't worry, Elsa," Kristoff was saying, doing his very best to reassure the near-frantic queen. "I'll take care of her. It's just a quick carriage ride. We'll only be gone an hour at the most."

Elsa gnawed on her lip. "She gets these horrible panic attacks. What if she gets one while you're out?"

"Then I'll hold her hands and talk her down, just like you showed me. Twenty times. _Elsa_. It's going to be fine, I promise." Kristoff's hand rested on Elsa's forearm and squeezed once gently. "Promise," he repeated.

"And you'll bring her _straight_ home if anything happens?"

"You have my word."

"And you won't stay out long even if nothing does happen?" Elsa felt like an overprotective parent and shook her head slightly at herself. This was _Kristoff._ She trusted him.

"Once around the town and back. She said she just wants some fresh air and a change of scenery."

"I know, I know," Elsa sighed. _But what if she's not ready…_ the words were on the tip of Elsa's tongue but she kept them in. She knew that, for one thing, Anna was old enough to make her own choices about how she spent her time. Whether or not Elsa thought it was what was best was irrelevant. Secondly, even if Anna stayed by Elsa's side twenty-four hours a day, it _still_ wouldn't be possible for Elsa to save her from all her demons. The fact that Anna had suffered several panic attacks within feet of Elsa was proof of this. Besides, Kristoff would make sure to bring her home if anything happened.

"Ready," came Anna's soft voice from behind Elsa. She spun around and saw Anna reaching the bottom of the stairs, Lara just behind her. She wore a light green summer dress and her hair was in braids. Except for the dullness of her eyes and the missing ten pounds on her already-slender frame, Anna almost looked like her old self. Lara excused herself and left the three of them in the main castle hallway.

"All right then," Kristoff extended his arm to Anna, who hesitated a moment before gingerly slipping her fingers around the crook of his elbow. Elsa felt a smile tug across her face at how caring Kristoff was with her sister, her _lover._ Aside from a few of the staff, Kristoff was the only one who knew about her less-than-traditional relationship with her sister.

The two headed for the castle door, outside of which Sven waited, tied to a cart. As they passed Elsa, Kristoff leaned over. "Once around town and we'll be back. I promise you."

And just like that the door closed quietly behind them and Elsa was alone for the first time in many, many days.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Anna said quietly as she and Kristoff settled themselves into the carriage.

"Sorry for what?" Kristoff piped. "Go on, Sven." The reindeer took off at a gentle trot and the carriage lurched into motion.

Anna pulled the thin blanket tighter over her lap, even though it was summertime and quite warm outside. "For being so…" So what? Crazy? Ridiculous? Broken? Fragile? "…boring," she finished lamely. Her hands wound together in her lap, giving away her nervousness. This was the first time she'd been alone with a man since — well, a while. _This is Kristoff,_ she reminded herself. _You trust him._

"You're not boring, Anna," Kristoff replied gently. "Quieter than usual, maybe, but never boring."

They rode in companionable silence for several minutes. Anna looked at all the flowers. When had those popped up? She couldn't remember seeing any in the Southern Isles, even though she was there during the time that flowers should have been first appearing for the season. She couldn't remember seeing them upon her return to Arendelle, either. She didn't remember much of _anything_ from her return to Arendelle, actually.

"These flowers," she remarked, "they're pretty."

"They are," Kristoff agreed. "Olaf loves them."

A soft chuckle escaped the redhead. "He sure does. Even though he's allergic to them."

"I can't believe that little snow flurry that Elsa conjured up actually lets him exist through the summer heat."

"Well," Anna admitted, "he does melt a little if he's in the sun too long. So he spends a fair amount of time indoors during the hottest parts of the day."

Kristoff laughed jovially. "Who would have thought — a snowman in July!"

"It's only June, Kris."

He scoffed. "You get the idea!" Secretly, Kristoff was delighted that she'd called him 'Kris'. It showed him that she felt at least a little bit comfortable with him. That he felt familiar enough to her to use the nickname. "Speaking of June, your birthday is coming up soon."

Anna sighed. "Don't remind me."

"Why not?"

"Elsa will probably want to… do something for it." Anna stared at her hands in her lap, picking at her right thumbnail.

Kristoff leaned slightly towards the redhead. "She won't if you don't want her to."

Anna squeezed her hands together and looked up at Kristoff in desperation. " _How_ can I say no to her, Kristoff? She's been nothing but kind and patient with me since… well… since I got back. She's put all her royal work on hold to sit with me for hours on end. How can I say no to something that she so obviously wants to—"

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute," Kristoff waved his hand in the air. "How do you even know she wants to do _anything_ about your birthday?"

"Because I know my sister. Remember my nineteenth?"

"Yeah, okay, fair enough. But," one hand came up, palm facing out, "to be fair to her, she hasn't said anything, has she?"

Anna's braids flapped back and forth as she shook her head.

"Then you bring it up to her. Tell her you don't want anything special to be done for it." He paused for a moment. "You _don't_ want anything special, do you?"

"Not really. Maybe just have you and Sven and Olaf in for chocolate cake or something. And Kai and Gerda and Lara and Elsa, obviously."

At the mention of his name, Sven snorted and tossed his head. Kristoff smiled. "I think that can be arranged. Except no cake for Sven."

"Aww! But he'll be so sad!" Anna protested, a smile crossing her face.

"Well, then you'd better make it a carrot cake!"

They both chuckled over that and then fell silent for several minutes more. As they rounded the corner along the wooded edge of the city, Kristoff spoke again. "Tell me about your birthdays as a kid. What did you do?"

For a minute, Anna was quiet, thinking, remembering. Finally she said, "I don't remember my first three birthdays but I do remember my fourth. Elsa was seven. Seven and a half, actually. Anyway, Mama and Papa got me these puppets as a gift. They came with this stage thing that I could hide behind and stick my arms up with the puppets on them and put on a puppet show." She demonstrated, making her hand move like a mouth up above her head. "There were a bunch of different ones — a cow, a duck, a man and a woman and a kid. Maybe a horse too, I can't remember for sure.

"And then right after my birthday, I got sick. Elsa entertained me for _hours_ with that stage and those puppets! I couldn't get out of bed and she couldn't come near me, but she set the stage up on the other side of the room and shouted so I could hear the puppets voices." Anna laughed softly at the memory. "She even made the cow say everything like 'moooo', so, like, for example, the cow would say, 'you'd better mooooooove along!'"

Kristoff could not imagine Elsa doing that at seven and a half. It had only been roughly a year later that he had seen Grand Pabbie remove the memories of magic from Anna's head, and a pale, somber eight-year-old Elsa had clung to her father's side in fear. It was hard for him to imagine Elsa and Anna as happy-go-lucky kids. "What about your fifth birthday?"

"Mmm, I remember that one, too," Anna said, smiling. "I helped Lara and Gerda make the biggest chocolate cake in the world. Or at least I was convinced it was the biggest in the world. It had four tiers, like a huge chocolate wedding cake, and Elsa made the tiniest snowmen to decorate it with."

"Does her snow taste like snow?"

Anna looked at Kristoff quizzically. "What do you mean? It's snow."

Kristoff blushed. "I know, but if you eat it, does it taste like normal snow?"

Anna chewed on her lip for a minute. "Yeah, I guess so. It's cold, so it doesn't taste like much. Maybe a little sweeter than regular snow. I don't know!" She barked a quick, unexpected laugh. "I guess I'll have to ask her to hit you in the face with a snowball so you can find out for yourself!"

They pulled up in front of the castle gates, which had been temporarily closed when Anna returned home. The guards saw them coming and hastened to open the heavy wooden doors. As Anna alighted in front of the castle doors, Kristoff stayed seated. Anna had always hated it when he tried to help her in and out of carriages and things like that. She claimed that just because she was a princess didn't mean that she couldn't climb around like anyone else.

"Thanks, Kris," Anna said quietly. "I enjoyed the ride."

"Me too," Kristoff replied.

"Bye, Sven." Lovingly, Anna scratched the underside of the reindeer's chin. He grunted appreciatively and licked at her hand. "Thanks for the ride!"

Anna pulled open the heavy castle door and turned back to smile at Kristoff.

"See you soon, okay? And don't forget to talk to Elsa. I'm sure she'll understand."

"I won't forget," came the soft reply, and then the door clunked closed behind her and she was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one... is a bit of a doozy. It's a short chapter but PLEASE REMEMBER this story has a happy ending. But I have to take them to the edges first before we can get there! The darkest hour is just before dawn... This is NOT the end. Take care of yourselves reading this one.
> 
> Warnings: contemplation and attempt of suicide, PTSD flashback.

**CHAPTER 4**

Elsa was in her study, finishing up a letter to one of the Coronan ambassadors, when Anna knocked on the door. "Come in," Elsa called, signing her name with a flourish.

"Hi," Anna's quiet voice came from the doorway. "Am I bothering you?"

Elsa stood up and crossed the room, taking Anna's hands in hers. "Never. How was your ride with Kristoff?"

"It was good, actually." A small smile flitted across the redhead's face. "I didn't have any panic attacks, in case you wondered."

"I figured you didn't," Elsa tilted her head. "Kristoff said he'd bring you right back if you did, but you guys were gone the full hour."

"It was nice to get out. But, um, I wanted to ask you something."

Leading her over to the couch in front of the unlit fireplace, Elsa sat down and pulled Anna down beside her. "Of course, ask away."

Anna looked down at her hands clasped in Elsa's. "It's about my birthday. Can we… um… _not_ do anything for it this year?"

Elsa blinked. "Your birthday?" Then she blinked again, harder. " _Oh!_ Your birthday! Right."

"Did you forget about it?" Anna asked, a small smirk gracing her features, making Elsa's heart jump.

"No!"

"I'm only teasing you, Elsa."

The queen blushed. "I didn't forget about your birthday. I just, well, I sort of forgot what the date today is. I mean, I didn't put it together."

Anna squeezed her sister's hands. "I'm joking. I'm actually relieved. I was afraid you'd have some big thing planned and I couldn't handle it."

The blonde head shook. "No, nothing planned. You don't want to do anything for it?"

A shrug. "Maybe just a chocolate cake and have Kristoff, Sven and Olaf over. Can Sven come in the palace again like he did for Kristoff's birthday?" Anna giggled.

Elsa burst out laughing at the mental image of Sven slipping all over the hard marble floors of the ballroom, his antlers festooned with ribbons and bells for Kristoff's birthday celebration the previous August. It had been quite a sight and Elsa and Anna had laughed until they cried. "Of course he can. Whatever you want."

* * *

Despite the success on the outing with Kristoff, reality came crashing back down obtrusively that evening. It was dinnertime and Anna was sitting in her usual spot. Elsa, as queen, always sat at the head of the table and Anna sat just to her right in the first spot along the long side of the table. The evening was cool despite the season and the cook had prepared soup for dinner. Anna watched as Elsa lifted the spoon to her lips, never spilling a drop. Elsa had always had a certain grace about her that Anna lacked. It wasn't that Anna was clumsy, per se, but she always felt like a total klutz compared to her sister. Anna had always thought that if Elsa weren't queen that she'd make a fabulous ballerina.

"Are you okay?" Elsa inquired, her blue eyes full of worry. "You haven't eaten your soup."

Anna nodded. "I'm fine. It was hot, I was letting it cool down." She smiled, teasing her sister. " _You_ just have no patience and probably burned off all your nerve endings in your mouth."

Elsa chuckled. "Mama used to say I had 'iron mouth.'"

"'Iron mouth?'"

"Yeah. She'd say my mouth was made of iron because I never seemed to mind eating hot things." Elsa set down her spoon. "I'd always drink my tea while it was still steaming. I still do, actually."

Shrugging, Anna poked at the pieces of vegetable in her soup. "Maybe it has something to do with your ice powers. Maybe they rush in and cool your mouth down or something." She began to eat.

"Who knows?"

The two ate in silence for several minutes. Then Elsa broke the silence again. "Do you want a piece of bread?" She scooted the plate of bread closer to Anna.

Anna accepted the offer and took a piece. It was a soft, white bread with a crunchy crust. She broke the piece in half and took a bite of the crust. In an instant, the dining room faded around her.

_The door to the barracks swung open with a deafening creak. Anna strained to see who was entering from where she was chained to the wall. All the soldiers were out, she was alone._

_"_ _Oh giiiiirl," called a raspy voice. "Where aaaaaare youuuuuu?"_

_Anna recognized the voice as that of the camp cook. He was a foul man with bad body odor and rotting teeth. Anna was torn between wishing he'd come closer (because undoubtedly he was there to give her her meager rations for the day) and wishing he'd just leave._ You would think, _she thought to herself,_ that they wouldn't want someone to be skin and bones when they're using them for sex. _It was only slightly alarming that the thought of being used for sex didn't give her pause anymore._

 _"_ _There you are,"_ _the cook appeared around the corner of a bunk. "I've got your food for you."_

_Anna looked up, expectantly._

_"_ _Oh ho," the cook laughed. "You think I'm just going to give it to you? Think again, missy. I've done you a favor coming all this way out here right now. I could've just made you wait 'til dinner when everyone's back. But nooooo, I'm a_ nice guy _and came out here to deliver this to you! Now, don't you think I deserve some kind of thanks for that?"_

_After fifteen minutes, the cook left, buckling up his pants. Anna lay on the dirt floor of the barracks, unable to muster the energy to even sit up. She scooted sideways along the floor until she could reach the tray of "food" the cook had left for her. Flat on her back, Anna chewed on the crusty piece of bread, not knowing if or when she'd get fed again._

The bread slipped from Anna's grasp and fell into her soup. Her whole body felt like it was crawling with spiders. Her stomach rolled and clenched. "E-Elsa.." she stammered, clutching the tabletop desperately, her knuckles turning white. "Elsa!"

"What's wrong?" Anna could hear the tone of urgency in Elsa's voice as she dropped her own spoon into her bowl.

"I.. I can't…" Anna shoved her chair back, preparing to bolt from the room. Even though she knew where she was, she wanted to get away from that _bread_ for some reason. In a flash, Elsa was out of her chair and gently but firmly holding onto Anna's shoulders.

"No, no," she murmured. "Don't run. You're safe, Anna, this is _Arendelle,_ not… anywhere else. Look around. Tell me five things you see."

Struggling in her sister's surprisingly strong grasp, Anna forced herself to look around the dining hall. "Chairs, table, goblet, soup and…" She didn't want to say 'bread.' "…Crown," she finished, looking at Elsa's head.

"Good," Elsa soothed. "Now tell me three things you hear."

"Heartbeat, hearth fire crackling and my own voice."

Anna knew what Elsa was doing. She was making her take stock of her surroundings, forcing her to realize exactly _where_ she was and bring her back to the present. It was aimed to get Anna out of whatever flashback she was currently stuck in, and to her intense relief, it seemed to be working.

"Good," Elsa rubbed her hands up and down Anna's arms. "That's good."

"Elsa," Anna begged, squeezing her eyes closed, not daring to even glance toward the table. "P-please… take the bread out of here."

"The bread?" Elsa asked, surprise lacing her voice. But she obediently scooped all the bread onto the plate, placed it on the tray and walked it quickly over to the kitchen door. Anna heard a clatter as Elsa, apparently, unceremoniously tossed the tray with the plate of bread onto the kitchen floor in a very un-royal manner. "Okay," she said, walking quickly back to Anna. "The bread is gone."

Anna sighed, opening her eyes and rubbing her temples. "Thanks."

"Come here," Elsa led Anna to a bench along the outer wall of the dining hall, away from the scene of Anna's flashback. "Sit with me." They sat down, facing inward towards each other, their knees touching. Elsa held Anna's hands in hers. "Can you tell me what just happened?"

Resolutely, Anna stared at the floor. She didn't know what to say. "I had a memory," she finally admitted.

Elsa squeezed Anna's hands encouragingly. "Okay. Do you want to tell me what you remembered?"

Anna did not. She pursed her lips, trying to think of the nicest way to tell Elsa to back the hell off. She feared that if she started to talk about it that more flashbacks would pile on top of the ones she was already having. Anna didn't think she could handle much more — she already felt so perilously close to breaking. "N-no," she stuttered. Her voice shook ominously. "I can't."

"Okay," Elsa soothed. "You don't have to." She gently cupped Anna's chin with her hand, turning the younger girl's face towards her. Leaning forward, Elsa caught Anna's eye. "You can take as long as you want. I promise, whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm ready to _listen._ "

"But you—"

"Shh," Elsa shook her head. "I can't promise not to feel guilty. I'll _always_ feel guilty for not protecting you as much as I feel I should have. But I promise I won't let my guilt take over. I'm here for _you,_ Anna. To help _you._ Whenever you need me. It's going to be okay. _You're_ going to be okay."

Anna wanted _so much_ to believe her older sister. She tilted her head, leaning her cheek into Elsa's palm, her eyes drifting closed momentarily. She wanted things to go back to the way they had been — after the coronation but before she was taken. She wanted to go back to the days of her and Elsa working side by side, of sharing meals that weren't shrouded in awkward silence, of falling into bed beside one another some nights, waking before dawn to get lost in each other's touch. Oh how she _longed_ to go back.

To Anna's intense horror, she felt the familiar stinging sensation starting behind her eyes and the pressure building up in her chest. She blinked frantically, trying to clear the tears away, but she could tell it was a losing battle. _I can't let Elsa see me cry,_ she thought, starting to panic. _But if I bolt, she'll chase me._

"Anna?" Elsa asked, her fingers tightening around her sister's, eyes wide.

"I—I," Anna started, and then tried again. "I need to go…" Elsa started to stand up but Anna interjected with a sharp "No!" which was then followed by a softer "…please. I need to be by myself." _To fall apart alone,_ she didn't add. Before Elsa could answer, Anna pulled her hands from her sister's grip, turned and fled the dining hall.

No sooner had she made it over the threshold of her bedchambers and slammed the door behind her that she fell to the ground. The dam had broken and Anna curled up into a ball on the rug, right there in front of the door, and sobbed until her throat was raw and her abs ached. "I _can't,_ I _can't!"_ she wailed. "I just want this to be _over now!_ I just can't _do_ this anymore."

As often happened when she was under stress lately, memories cascaded down upon her. Relentless. Never-ending. So real. _Stop!_ Desperately, Anna hoisted herself onto her hands and knees and crawled across her bedroom. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she whispered as she crawled. "I'm so sorry, Elsa." Reaching the double doors to her balcony, she reached up with one hand and flicked open the lock. Grabbing the brass knobs, she dragged herself to standing. Her body shook violently but she resolutely yanked the doors open and stepped out into the evening air.

The night might have been cool for early summer, but the sky was clear and the sun was just about to drop below the horizon. Anna clutched at the stone balcony, her fingers digging into unforgiving rock. She stared out over the castle courtyard, past the courtyard walls and over the rooftops of the city. From all the way over here, she could hear the sounds of the city at night. The occasional whinny of a horse, the clatter and clang of carriages as they bumped over the cobblestone streets.

The sky was illuminated in bright pinks and oranges as the dying sun sank lower and lower toward the edge of the world, fading into blues and deep indigos the further away from the sun the eye traveled. _Beautiful,_ Anna thought. _A beautiful way to go._ Looking back over her shoulder, she made sure no one was in her bedchambers. _I'll miss you,_ she thought, briefly. Anna hoisted herself up onto the edge of the balcony. She eyed the drop — five stories separated her from the hard stone of the courtyard.

The princess closed her eyes and thought. She thought of her handmaidens who had cared for her since childhood. She thought of the castle guards who would undoubtedly be the ones to find her. She thought of Kristoff and Sven. She thought of her parents. But mostly, she thought of Elsa. _I love you,_ she thought, squeezing her eyes closed. _I'm so sorry._

"I'm so sorry," she whispered aloud, and without a backward glance, she let herself fall forward into thin air.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Would you believe me if I said there aren't really any? Angst and then a little bit of argument but other than that, it's a tame chapter! Lol. Enjoy.

**CHAPTER 5**

Down in the courtyard, Elsa thought she _must_ be hallucinating. Surely her eyes were playing tricks on her. That had to be the case because if it wasn't, then the only other option was that Anna really _was_ sitting on the edge of her balcony, leaning forward and letting herself drop into the sky.

Without even thinking, Elsa shot her left arm out, conjuring up the biggest pile of snow she could in less than three seconds, making the bones in her hand ache from the sudden output of a significant amount of magic. Her mind couldn't help but flick back to that night so many years ago when she'd tried and failed to catch Anna with her snow as she fell. _That_ night had ended very differently. This one almost had as well.

Elsa stood rooted to the spot as Anna landed with a soft _flump!_ in the snow pile she'd just created. The courtyard suddenly burst alive. The guards, doing their nightly rounds, had seen the flash of magic as the queen conjured snow out of thin air. They felt the sudden chill in the air and knew that it could only mean one thing: something had happened. Shouts erupted from many different directions and people starting moving all around. Everything was moving very fast but Elsa was completely still.

The castle door swung open behind her and several servants rushed out, hearing the commotion. Gerda and Lara, who had been near the dining hall still, unaware of what had transpired, rushed to Anna's sides. After ascertaining that the princess was, indeed, alive, Gerda returned to the queen.

"Your Majesty…" she whispered, apparently unsure of what to say. No doubt she, too, was in shock after realizing what had almost just happened.

"I was just going to get some air," Elsa mumbled, her lips barely moving. "Some air," she repeated.

Gerda looked into Elsa's wide blue eyes. There was no emotion there. "Come, Your Majesty, let's go inside." When Elsa didn't move, Gerda gently took the queen's slender hands in her own. "Please." Still no response. Gerda took a liberty and laid her hand gently on the queen's cheek. " _Elsa,_ " she said, not to the Queen of Arendelle but to the little girl she had known since the day of her birth. The little girl whom she had helped take her first steps, ride her bike for the first time and repair broken dolls. The little girl whom she had comforted in times of sadness, played with in times of joy (when she could spare some time to do so) and cared for in times of sickness.

At the loving gesture, Elsa finally turned her eyes to look into Gerda's. "Inside," she murmured, acquiescing. She allowed the head servant to lead her through the door into the warmth of the castle once again.

* * *

Elsa didn't remember much from the rest of that night. She vaguely recalled Gerda leading her into the castle, up the stairs and into her bedchambers. She had a blurry memory of Gerda drawing a bath for her and leaving her alone to undress. The sensation of Gerda's gentle hands massaging her scalp as she washed her hair for her lingered like a ghost.

It finally made sense now, all this time later, what Anna had meant that first day she'd been awake when she said 'I can't _feel.'"_ Elsa couldn't form an emotion out of the swirling mess that her mind had become. She had thought sleep would elude her, but it didn't.

The next morning dawned gray and chilly, unseasonably cold for June. Elsa wasn't sure if she had anything to do with that or if it was just that the weather felt as mixed up as she did. Gerda bustled into Elsa's bedchambers instead of her usual handmaiden, setting a tray of tea down on the table by the chaise and lighting a fire in the hearth. "It's cold this morning, Your Majesty," she said, pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders. "This tea's hot, please take care not to burn yourself."

Slowly, Elsa sat up. Her eyes slid slowly from the right to the left and back, taking in the room and Gerda's presence. Something was off. There was something nagging at her, a memory tugging at her brain. _What was it?_ Gerda turned to face Elsa, her eyes shining. All at once, the memory from the night before slammed into Elsa with such force that she actually recoiled. A sharp gasp, and her hand flew up to cover her mouth.

"The princess is well, Your Majesty. She's asked for you," Gerda said, approaching Elsa as though she were a small, frightened child which, incidentally, was exactly what Elsa felt like. It felt as though she had awoken from a nightmare and couldn't tell what was real anymore. When she'd had nightmares such as this as a child, she'd always gone to Anna's room. This time, however, she woke up _into_ the nightmare, and Anna was at the center of it. Suddenly feeling very alone, Elsa pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and holding tightly.

Closing her eyes tightly against what she was about to say, Elsa whispered, "I can't see her."

"I agree that you need some time to rest. You suffered a great shock last night, Your Maj—"

" _Elsa._ "

"—Elsa." Gerda's face softened as she looked at the young woman. "Not to mention you created a thirty-foot snow pile _and_ turned the courtyard in its entirety into a sheet of ice in a matter of a few seconds. That must have taken a lot out of you, I'm sure."

"Thirty feet?"

A nod.

Elsa exhaled and rested her forehead on her knees. It was odd; Elsa understood what had happened. She understood what the intended outcome had been on Anna's part. She understood that it had very nearly succeeded and, in an ironic twist of fate, if it weren't for the ice powers she had spent her entire life wishing she _didn't_ have, that Anna wouldn't be alive right now. It was almost enough to make her laugh. Almost.

"She… she wanted to…" Elsa couldn't quite bring herself to say the word.

Fortunately, Gerda knew what Elsa wasn't saying. She lowered herself gently onto the edge of the queen's bed — something only _she_ could do without fearing reprimand. "I know."

Something in the woman's tone made Elsa look up sharply. In an instant, realization flooded over the young queen. Not only had Gerda helped raise _her_ from infancy, she had known Anna her entire life, too. Gerda had had just as much a hand in Anna's life as she had had in Elsa's. Perhaps even more, since Elsa spent many years confined to her room. The things that had happened to Anna in the Southern Isles, while difficult for Elsa to deal with, were just as painful for Gerda to see the effects of. Elsa saw tears hovering just behind Gerda's strong façade. This woman loved Anna like a daughter. A daughter she very nearly lost last night. "Gerda," she whispered, squeezing the woman's hand where it lay against her blankets. "She loves you."

Unable to make eye contact, Gerda nodded. "She loves you, too, Elsa."

 _Not enough to stay alive for me,_ Elsa almost said, but didn't. She knew it wasn't 'for' anyone that Anna lived. But God knew that Elsa wouldn't have stuck around so long if it hadn't been for Anna. There had been _many_ dark days, locked away in her room, feeling full of despair that she'd never get her powers under control. Days that she just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. But her father, the King of Arendelle, had told her many years before that she needed to be strong for her sister. It was almost as if he had known….

_"_ _What are you looking at?" The King's voice contained a smile as he let himself into his eldest daughter's room._

_"_ _Anna's in the gardens," Elsa explained, leaning on the windowsill. "I can't believe she's going to be ten tomorrow, Papa."_

_The King chuckled lightly. "It does seem odd, doesn't it?"_

_"_ _Mm-hmm."_

_Father and daughter watched the lively redhead prancing about amongst the roses. They both laughed aloud when she used the edge of the decorative foundation as a balancing beam and almost fell into the water._

_"_ _She's very free, isn't she?" Elsa asked, turning her face up toward her father._

_The King smiled fondly at his younger daughter before turning to meet his eldest's gaze. "She is. But Elsa, you must understand something." Walking away from the window, King Agdar settled himself onto the chaise in front of the fireplace. "Anna's soul is very free, as you said. Your mother…" he trailed off, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "Well, she doesn't have the heart to cage her. Her sister is a redhead too, as you know."_

_Elsa smiled, thinking of her Aunt Irina. Her hair was more brownish-red than Anna's but she did have similar freckles. The girls' mother always surmised that this was where Anna had gotten her looks, although her hair was a similar color to Agdar's. Aunt Irina was a force to be reckoned with and she had a propensity for stealing chocolate._

_"_ _Elsa, it's important that you do your best to keep Anna from ever having to be queen."_

_"_ _What?" Elsa's eyes widened. "She won't have to be queen, right Papa? That's my job."_

_"_ _Well, yes." Elsa's father looked upon her with pride. "There is no doubt in my mind that you will make a very powerful queen one day. But just know this: the role of queen is not that requires great focus, intelligence and poise. It's a great honor but also very challenging. A role like that might crush her spirit."_

_Elsa frowned. "But she's very smart, Papa. I'm sure she could learn."_

_"_ _Undoubtedly she could. But her soul doesn't fit."_

_"_ _And mine does?"_

_King Agdar squeezed his daughter's shoulder. "Yes, Elsa. Yours does. You are a strong girl. Just remember, you need to be strong for your sister, too. For the future."_

Elsa shook her head, bringing herself back to reality. Those words would certainly come back to haunt her in the coming years. Especially after a particularly nasty storm claimed the lives of both her parents at sea. Elsa didn't think she could carry on without the support of her parents, especially her father. He'd shown her some tough love, sure, but he'd always supported her. He had always told her he believed she could use her powers for good.

 _Like last night, Papa?_ Elsa thought, ironically. She was pretty sure he'd meant using her powers to stop wars or preserve food in case of a famine, not save her sister from falling five stories to the ground after deciding she could no longer live. A fact which, Elsa couldn't help reminding herself, wouldn't exist in the first place if it weren't for her egregious failure at keeping her safe.

Gerda, who was still sitting on the edge of Elsa's bed, rose to her feet and crossed the room. She poured a cup of tea from the china pot on the tray she'd brought in. She handed it to Elsa. "Here, Your Majesty, the tea has likely cooled off enough to drink now."

Not wanting the tea but not knowing what else to do, Elsa accepted the cup. "Thank you," she murmured.

"Will you be having breakfast this morning, my Queen?"

Not removing her gaze from her teacup, Elsa shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm not feeling hungry."

Gerda bowed her head at the door. "Very well, Your Majesty. But please do eat something as soon as you feel able. You must keep up your strength." When Elsa didn't respond, Gerda pressed. "Elsa. Please."

With tears threatening to spill over any moment, Elsa gave one short, quick nod and choked out, "okay." This was apparently enough to satisfy Gerda, who took her leave. Elsa managed to keep the tears at bay until she heard Gerda's retreating footsteps heading down the hall.

* * *

In a jarring reminder of past events, Anna was once again knocking on Elsa's closed door.

"Elsa?" She called softly, her forehead pressed against the unmoving wood. Weakly, she rapped again on the door before placing her open palm against it. "Please open the door." When she received no answer, she turned and slid down to the floor, her back pressed against the door. _How many times I've sat in this exact position,_ she thought ironically. _And here I am again._ Heaving a great sigh, Anna tipped her head back until it thunked lightly against the middle of the door.

"I… I just wanted to thank you," she said, her voice trembling in spite of her efforts to keep it even. "For saving my life." She picked at the carpet below her. "I don't know what I was thinking. I _wasn't_ thinking, Elsa. It's just… everything that happened, I— I just can't get _away_ from it, ever." Tears threatened to spill over but she willed them down. "But you didn't deserve to see that. I just don't know how to talk about it."

Several minutes passed of Anna just sitting there in silence, wondering if her sister was even listening. For all she knew, Elsa had crawled into bed and pulled a pillow over her head to drown out her voice. Or maybe she'd gone onto her own balcony and closed the doors. For all Anna knew, she could be talking to nobody. But if she _was_ listening….

"I just needed you to know that. That I'm sorry for what happened and that I'm beyond thankful that you were there. I love you."

And with that, Anna pushed herself to a standing position and walked away.

What she _didn't_ know, was that Elsa had been right on the other side of that door, sitting in the same position she'd been in. She didn't know that Elsa had been biting her lip, trying desperately to keep herself from throwing open the door and embracing her sister. She didn't know that Elsa had been listening to her, fighting tears, and that she'd heard her. She'd heard every word.

* * *

Nobody except Gerda had interacted with Queen Elsa in almost two entire days. She'd had food and work sent to her chambers. She'd spoken to no one, seen no one and heard from no one aside from Anna. She just hadn't known what to say. She _still_ didn't know what to say but she couldn't hide out in her room forever.

"How is Anna?" Elsa had managed to ask earlier that afternoon when Gerda had come in to bring her the tea tray she had requested. The question left an odd taste in her mouth, one that she couldn't quite place.

"The princess is…" Gerda had faltered. "…doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances."

"Oh?" Elsa had snapped (a fact she was now embarrassed by.) "And what _circumstances_ would those be? You mean she's doing well despite the fact that she's been in a state of half-catatonia for the past some-odd weeks and tried to throw herself five stories to her death the night before last? Or do you mean that she's doing well despite the fact that her older sister has seemingly shut her out again, after swearing not to, solely because I can't figure out what in the _hell_ to say to her after that stunt she pulled?"

Gerda had remained silent, the tea tray still clutched in her hands, seemingly unfazed by Elsa's uncharacteristically harsh outburst.

"I'm sorry." Hanging her head in shame, Elsa had walked over and taken the tray from the woman. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

"Quite all right, Your Majesty," had been the instantaneous reply. "You have every right to be upset. But, in all fairness, my Queen, regardless of the, ah, less than stellar choices Anna may have made in recent days, she _did_ experience quite a bit of abomination while being held captive. It stands to reason that her mental state would be severely altered and while it is extremely understandable that you would be unhappy with her, being eschewed by someone she trusts and deeply cares for will do nothing to help her."

Elsa hadn't been able to come up with a response. Gerda was right, of course, and Elsa knew that.

"I just don't know what to say to her, Gerda," Elsa had lamented. "What do you say to someone who wanted to die so badly just forty-eight hours ago that they were willing to _take their own life_ , everyone else's feelings be damned? Didn't she care how much it would hurt people if she died? Didn't she care how much it woud hurt _me?"_

Gerda had simply shaken her head and taken Elsa's hands into her own. "We cannot know what goes on in the mind of someone under such duress, Your Majesty. All I can suggest is that you continue to make sure Princess Anna knows how much you love and value her. The Princess Anna I know, and have known her entire life, would never dream of hurting herself or ending her own life. It simply isn't something she would have done. It's very clear to me that she isn't operating at full capacity, Your Majesty, and I'd advise you to try and realize the same thing."

So now, here Elsa stood, in front of her mirror, getting ready to be face to face with Anna for the first time since that night in the courtyard. Elsa's fingers tingled at the memory of such a huge quantity of magic being expelled from them in a panic, a snowbank the size of a steam engine materializing beneath the princess in the nick of time. Squeezing her hands into fists, Elsa willed the bile rising in her throat to recede. Checking her appearance one last time, Elsa was satisfied to see that she looked as she always did: regal, poised and self-assured (even if she felt nothing of the sort.)

Approaching the door to the dining hall minutes later, Elsa had to stop and compose herself. She took a deep, shaky inhale, squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and prepared to walk into the room.

"Hi," came a soft voice from behind her, making her squeak in alarm and whirl around. Anna stood behind her, having just reached the bottom of the stairs. It appeared she had actually _walked_ down the stairs instead of sliding down the banister as she was wont to do. "I wasn't sure I'd see you tonight."

"I wasn't sure you would either," Elsa admitted, her voice not without tremble.

Anna approached her sister, not looking at her but with deliberateness in her step. She stopped a few feet away, her hands clutching together in front of her. Her fingers wrung together restlessly, as if they would much rather be somewhere else but Anna wouldn't allow them to detach from one another. "I stopped by your room. Twice. But your door was locked."

Icy blue eyes narrowed as Elsa looked at her sister. Was that an accusation? "I only heard you once."

"Oh, you heard me?" Anna raised her eyebrows. "Why didn't you open up?" Her body took on a standoffish posture — her arms folded across her chest and leaning slightly back. "You promised never to shut me out again."

"Yes, well," Elsa said through a tightening jaw, coming to the realization that her mouth just might be about to run away with her. This didn't happen often but when it did, she was capable of saying some pretty scathing things. "That was before."

"Before what?" Anna challenged, her eyes flinty.

"Before you decided to take a swan dive off the balcony, Anna!" Elsa's fists clenched at her side, frost sprouting to life on the doors behind her. "Did you even think for _one second_ what that would have done to Arendelle? To your friends? To the staff who is, for all intents and purposes, our _family_ now? Did you even think what that would have done to _me_?"

It was known throughout the kingdom that Queen Elsa had a bit of a temper on her. That much was evident the night of the coronation when Anna had pushed just a little too far in conjunction with snagging Elsa's glove and several of the partygoers had had to leap back to avoid being stabbed by ice spikes as Elsa's control over her temper slipped. It was also known throughout the kingdom that Princess Anna also had a temper; a temper more fiery and quick than her sister's but usually faster to blow over. Anna was a redhead and, as such, was often associated with fire, a nice contrast to her sister's ice (both figuratively and literally.)

Anna's temper didn't often come out at Elsa. Only a handful of times as kids had Anna and Elsa actually gotten in a full-on argument. Usually it started over something petty — a misunderstanding maybe — and ended in a shouting match and two sulking princesses. Usually it ended with them making eye contact across the dinner table and one of them making a face at the other. Both would dissolve into giggles and the whole thing would be forgotten.

But the fire in Anna's eyes was directed at Elsa and only Elsa right now.

"How _dare_ you?" She hissed, eyes snapping and jaw clenched. "You have _no idea_ — none, Elsa!— what it is like to live with this kind of burden."

Elsa almost laughed. "Oh, really? You think I don't know what it's like to hate being in my own skin every single day? You think I don't know what it's like to want to just end it all? Just to get away from everything? You're wrong, Anna."

"No, that's not what I mean." Anna's voice was tight and controlled and that was possibly scarier to Elsa than if she'd been yelling. "I'm talking about being able to feel their hands on you. Every day. Feel their breath on your face, on your neck, _smell_ it, even! To dream about it. I can still feel the gnawing hunger. They didn't feed me for days." Now her voice had gone flat. The anger was gone from her eyes. She was as two-dimensional as paper in that moment. "They were after you, Elsa." Stony teal eyes met ice-blue again. "You were right. It should have been you."

Elsa deflated. She literally felt as though all air had been sucked out of her. Of course it had been her they were after. She knew that. But it was so, so much worse to hear Anna say it like that.

"That's why they kept me for as long as they did before sending me to the soldiers," Anna continued, her voice still devoid of emotion. "Hans wanted to get his hands on you and he thought if he tortured me long enough that I'd tell him how to get to you." She laughed without mirth. "He obviously forgot who I am. I put myself in front of _his_ sword for you, and I'd do it again."

"Anna…"

"Oh, don't even go there, Elsa," Anna said, annoyed. "You think telling me you're sorry is going to fix anything? I _know_ you're sorry. You've said it a thousand times. And besides, I'm not looking to be thanked. I put myself in front of his sword then and I'd do it again now. I wouldn't have traded places with you when I was in the Southern Isles. Never." Her eyes softened a little as she looked at her sister. "I didn't deserve it, Elsa, but neither do you. This isn't your fault. _I_ don't blame you." And with that, Anna pushed past Elsa and entered the dining hall.

The implication there was that Elsa blamed herself. Which was undeniably true.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Despite the meal being one of their favorites, neither Anna nor Elsa had a huge appetite. Interestingly, Anna ate more than her sister did. This had never been unusual before, but it had been uncommon as of late.

"Pass the salt please, Els," Anna said quietly at one point, and after that no more words were spoken for many minutes until Elsa needed Anna to pass the water pitcher.

When the dinner dishes were cleared and both sisters had turned down dessert, they both remained seated, unsure of whether to talk or just get up and leave. Anna stared down at her lap. So many emotions were clanging around in her head. She was sure Elsa felt the same, and frankly she was amazed Elsa hadn't inadvertently frosted the room over or accidentally frozen the water remaining in the glass pitcher.

Wearily, Anna pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. This was such a big mess! She fought the urge to slam her fist down on the tabletop. What is happening to me? she thought. This is not who I am.

Elsa broke the silence at long last. "Listen… I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

Anna nodded but said nothing.

"I just can't bear the thought of losing you. Again."

"What do you mean 'again'?" Anna asked the tabletop.

Elsa shook her head. "That day on the fjord… when you got in front of Hans' sword and then froze… I thought you were gone. F-forever."

Elsa's voice broke on the last word and Anna looked up. She'd seen Elsa cry before but this was different. All the times that she'd cried since Anna came back were a mix of anger, guilt and sadness. Those tears had been forceful and fast. These were big, fat tears that accumulated on her lower lids and spilled over, her eyes unable to contain the sheer volume of them. They coursed down her cheeks in thick rivers, one after another, an endless game of chase. No guilt or anger laced these tears. This was just flat-out sadness.

"You're not going to lose me, Elsa." Anna murmured. She reached out her hand, palm up, on the table.

Placing her hand in Anna's, Elsa said, "how can you say that? Y-you tried to kill yourself just two nights ago, Anna!" Another wave of tears slashed down her cheeks and her lower lip quivered.

Anna squeezed Elsa's fingers. "You just don't understand, Elsa. And I can't make you understand, either. When the flashbacks come they're just so… unbearable! I don't know where the hell I am half the time. My sense of reality is all skewed and I don't have a grip on myself. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced." She flipped their hands over so they were palm to palm. "All my life, when something was bothering me, I had my sound wits to help me. Now…I don't even have that. I may not have always made the most rational decisions," she said pointedly, envisioning herself racing up the side of a mountain in only a ballgown in the middle of a blizzard, "but I always knew exactly what I was doing."

She let go of Elsa's hand and sighed. "It's like going mad slowly. You know what's happening but you are powerless to stop it."

After a moment of silent tears, Elsa heaved a long sigh. "I can… actually understand that to a degree," she said, sounding defeated. "All those years I spent locked in my room, having little to no control over a power that could be lethal… Papa thought I should have been able to control it better. I—I didn't know what was wrong with me; I didn't know why I couldn't just figure it out."

Anna nodded sympathetically, although she felt her eyes starting to glaze over. This was a massive expenditure of energy and more than she'd talked to anyone since before she'd been taken. She felt drained; all the anger had bled out of her and she felt like a hollow shell. Come to think of it, that wasn't too far off from how she'd been feeling since returning to Arendelle, flashbacks and panic attacks notwithstanding.

"I just can't feel anymore, Elsa!" Anna all but wailed despite her sudden fatigue. "I was angry at you half an hour ago and that was the most emotion I've felt aside from panic in forever!" She folded her arms on the tabletop and laid her head down. "Even thought I was angry at you, which you don't deserve, it still felt nice to feel something." Her voice was muffled but she was sure Elsa heard her.

When no response came for several seconds, Anna rolled her head to the right and peeked up at Elsa with one eye. Her sister appeared to be lost in thought, her elbow propped on the table and chin resting on a lightly closed fist. "Can I trust you to stay safe tonight?" Elsa asked blatantly, making Anna's chest constrict with guilt. Despite it all, she hadn't meant to hurt Elsa so much.

She nodded quickly, her eyes dropping closed. Am I really going to fall asleep right here at the dinner table? Anna wondered.

"Good. Then I have an idea. Right now, however, you need to go to bed."

Somehow, Anna got from the dining hall to her bedchambers. Somehow, she got into her pajamas, only realizing the next morning that it was likely that Elsa herself had helped her undress (a thought that she expected to horrify her but she found it actually didn't.) Somehow, she made it to the next day which, unlike the several preceding days, dawned bright and clear.

Elsa was waiting for Anna outside the dining hall for breakfast. Beneath her eyes, dark circles stood out against her pale skin but her face was neutral and calm and her body language was relaxed. Anna approached her sister warily, unsure of how her mood was after the previous evening.

"Good morning," Elsa said and her left hand started to reach for Anna's but she stopped a few inches short. Her hand fell back to it's place by her side, awkwardly, as if she wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

"Morning," Anna responded, not meeting her sister's gaze.

"Did you sleep okay?" Elsa inquired. Anna almost laughed because it was pretty clear that Elsa hadn't slept well, given her raccoonish appearance.

"I did, actually," Anna answered.

"Good. Let's have breakfast and then I have something planned for us this morning." Elsa turned to lead her sister into the dining hall. "Actually, for most of the day. If you're up for it," she added, glancing back over her shoulder.

Anna sighed, rolling her eyes up to the heavens as though asking for strength, and followed Elsa. Things were just so awkward right now. It had been bad enough when she'd first been rescued from the Southern Isles and just wanted to sleep until she ceased to be. Then, Elsa had sat by her bedside day and night, holding her hand, whispering to her, crying sometimes. She hadn't known that Anna had been awake more than she'd let on and heard much of what she'd said. She just hadn't had the strength to bring herself all the way back to consciousness to respond.

Then Anna had suffered numerous flashbacks and panic attacks in front of her sister. These, while horrible enough on their own for Anna to experience, were even worse because Elsa had had to watch Anna going through it, over and over, and been utterly helpless to stop it. Even when she'd learned how to help coach Anna through it, bring her back to reality, it hadn't been enough to stop them from happening in the first place.

And now… Elsa seemed to flip between being surly and angry with Anna and being downright inundated with guilt over the whole entire situation. Anna felt as though she were getting whiplash trying to keep up with Elsa's emotions in addition to managing her own, which were as erratic as a hummingbird's flight path. One minute she couldn't feel anything, the next minute she was terrified beyond belief, and the next minute she was angry. Angry at Hans, of course, but also angry at Elsa for keeping her powers a secret all this time, because if that hadn't happened then none of this would've happened either. She was angry at the soldiers for abusing her but above all, she was angry at herself for being completely incapable of dealing with any of this.

"I'm not very hungry," Anna mumbled to Elsa as they sat down. Her stomach felt like it had a tornado in it.

Elsa turned sympathetic eyes on her. "I'm sorry," was all she said.

Sorry for what? Anna wondered. Everybody's sorry, she thought. All I ever hear is 'I'm sorry.' For some reason Anna felt anger bubbling up inside her again. She just wished everyone would stop apologizing all the time and treating her like something to be pitied! Defiantly, Anna grabbed a piece of toast off the plate and buttered it aggressively.

After a few minutes, the rhythm of bite, chew, swallow, repeat had calmed her buzzing nerves. Anna could feel the tendrils of anger and disregulation recede little by little and finally looked up at her sister with clear eyes. Elsa was staring intently into her tea cup, her plate only half empty. "Are you going to finish?" Anna asked, wincing when Elsa jumped at the sound of her voice.

"No," Elsa said, pushing away her plate. "I'm done. Are you?" When Anna nodded, Elsa pushed back her chair. "Let's go then."

"Where are we going?" Anna skittered along beside her sister. It was strange how much faster Elsa could walk than Anna could. Sure, she was taller and therefore her legs were a little longer, but not by much — just a matter of a few inches. It had always seemed, though, that Anna took two steps for every one of Elsa's. Just another way in which she felt like the "little sister."

"To the gardening shed," Elsa responded, not breaking stride.

The garden shed? Anna wondered. Why on earth would we be going there? She didn't bother to ask Elsa for elaboration, though. She knew her well enough to know that all would be explained in time. In just a few minutes, they'd reached their destination. Anna gazed at the garden shed. It couldn't really be considered a "shed." The thing was the size of most regular single-family houses in the city! Minuscule by castle standards, of course.

The door was, naturally, locked. Elsa paid no mind, though, and shot a blast of ice at the lock, effectively blowing it right off the door.

"Whoa," Anna breathed. "Remind me never to bother locking my door when you're around."

Elsa actually chuckled. "I'd never do that to your door. It probably wouldn't work, anyway. The castle locks are reinforced way more than this one is. This one is older than both of us combined and full of rust. I think I could've blown on it and it would have shattered." She pushed open the dark green wooden door and entered.

The "shed" smelled of dirt, dust and grass. Sunlight came in through the semi-opaque windows, dust drifting lazily through the air.

"Why are we here?" Anna asked, looking around. She wasn't a fan of darkish, cramped spaces and she felt as though she were holding a panic attack at bay. Some of the gardening tools on the walls looked suspiciously like torture devices.

"Looking for something," Elsa said, bent over and rummaging through a large cabinet. "Aha!" She righted herself and held—

"—A gnome?" Anna raised her eyebrows skeptically. "Why were you looking for a gno— hey…" Recognition bloomed in her mind. "Is that Edvard?"

Beaming, Elsa nodded vigorously. "Yes!" She almost squealed. "It's Edvard! Remember him?" She turned the little gnome around to face her, her eyes drifting over his small, red hat and big nose. He still smiled the same jolly smile they remembered and he wore the same, silly shoes. "He was our favorite, for some reason!"

"We always loved when they'd put out the gnomes for Spring and Summer," Anna murmured distractedly, staring at Edvard.

"Remember when Peter, the old garden master, used to move the gnomes at night and convinced us that they came alive when everyone was asleep?"

Anna laughed out loud. "Yes, and you and I would always run to the window first thing in the morning to see what the gnomes had done overnight!"

"It worked out well until we decided to stay up incredibly late one night, watching, and caught him in the act!" Both girls laughed hard at the memory.

Anna reached out her arms for Edvard and Elsa handed him over. "Can we get out of here, though? It's… dark."

Once out in the bright sunshine, they stood for several moments in the shade of a tree, looking over their favorite childhood gnome. There had once been a complete set, although it had been decades since anyone had put gnomes out in the grounds in the springtime.

"Why don't we use the gnomes anymore? When did we stop?"

Elsa thought. "I think it must have been about when Mama and Papa died," she tapped her chin with her finger. "I know they were still out all the way up until then. I can't remember if they did it after, but I would be surprised. The kingdom was in mourning for so long, I'm pretty sure we didn't even have any new flowers planted for a long time after."

What Elsa wasn't saying was that even if there had been gnomes on the grounds after the late King and Queen of Arendelle had died, they had all been too distraught to even think about going out in the grounds, much less looking at gnomes. Anna had been too busy grieving by herself and Elsa had been too preoccupied with trying (and failing) to get a grip on her powers and simultaneously prepare herself expeditiously to take over for both her parents. Anna's breath caught in her chest. She had never really imagined what that would've been like for her sister. It must have been so scary.

Elsa's eyes were a little glossed over and Anna was starting to realize that Elsa's thoughts had gone a similar direction to hers. "Well," she said decisively, almost sounding like her old self. "I think we should have them reinstate the gnome tradition. What do you think?"

Elsa grinned. "I agree."

"Then it's settled," Anna said, firmly. "Now. What else do you have planned for us today?"

The remainder of the morning took them down to the fjord's edge to skip rocks the way they had done every summer as children. Either Gerda, Kai or one of the other staff members would take them down to this little inlet where there were tons of stones to be found. Each girl would gather up the ten best skipping rocks and meet back at the central spot. Taking turns, they'd skip their stones and whoever was chaperoning them had to be the judge. It usually ended up being a tie unless one of them messed up very badly and ended up just sinking a rock or two without a skip.

They also ventured out to the stables and climbed into the hayloft. This made Anna laugh for two reasons: one, because Elsa just looked so funny with hay in her hair and two, because both of them suffered from allergies and were sneezing their heads off.

"Why'd you take us there?" Anna asked after a particularly huge sneeze. "You know hay makes you sneeze."

"I do," Elsa agreed. "But I know you used to come there as a kid and teenager and the scent of hay always calmed you down."

Anna stared at her sister. "How in the world did you know that?"

"Papa told me," Elsa answered simply. "I had no idea you were allergic to hay now, too!" And they both laughed.

Anna had to admit it: she was having a pretty good time. It was nearly noon now and she still hadn't had a dissociative episode or a flashback all morning. She had been skeptical when Elsa said she'd planned several things for the day, but it was pretty clear what she was doing. She was trying to get Anna's memory working in ways that didn't cause panic attacks. She was trying to make her feel again without dipping back into traumatic events. The sun was shining and the day was warm, which also helped her mood stay elevated.

They took their lunch in the garden, sitting on the edge of the decorative fountain.

"You know," Elsa said, watching the water spout out of the top of the statue in the center of the fountain. "I used to watch you when you played in the gardens out here. You almost fell in several times. I could see it perfectly from my room."

Anna looked up from the peach she was eating. "I know."

Elsa's blue eyes widened and she paused a beat. "Y-you do?"

Picking a piece of lint off the skin of her peach, Anna nodded. "Sure. You could see me, I could see you. I always saw your silhouette in the window. I wanted to wave to you but I didn't because if you'd ignored me or something, I wouldn't have been able to deal with it. So I just pretended I didn't know you were there."

Heartbreak was evident on Elsa's face. She swallowed hard, her slim throat bobbing sharply as she did so. "I—I…" she started but no words followed.

"Hey, it's fine, Els," Anna said gently. "We've already talked about this a hundred times. You were doing what you thought was right — what Mama and Papa told you was the right thing. You're not to blame."

Both sisters stared into the frothing water in silence for several minutes, neither one eating anymore. Anna knew her sister still felt guilty. Hell, it seemed to be in her DNA to feel guilty all the time. Elsa was harder on herself than anyone else Anna knew. And it hardly seemed fair. Here was Elsa — beautiful, graceful, intelligent, caring and with ice powers for heaven's sake, and she had the lowest self-esteem of just about anyone in the kingdom.

"Are you tired?" Elsa asked, breaking the silence. "I still have one more thing for us to do, if you've got energy."

Anna was tired. This was more activity than she'd had in… well, a long time. But she desperately wanted the day to keep going. She was afraid to stop now because surely if she did, the flashbacks would come on full force. The longer she was with Elsa, being distracted from everything, the less likely the memories were to come flooding back in full force. "No, I'm good. Let's go."

They made their way into the castle and up several flights of stairs to the Queen's Chambers. This room had belonged to every queen Arendelle had had since the castle was built. It consisted of three rooms: a sitting room, a dressing room and a bedroom. It was different than the royal bedchambers which was where both the king and queen slept. That room had been added later, after customs changed enough to allow for the king and queen to sleep together in the literal sense. The King's Chambers had been closed up until the time that Elsa chose a suitor and married — an event that seemed entirely unlikely to Anna.

Knowing better than to ask Elsa why they were in there, Anna obediently followed her sister into the dressing room. Behind a giant, ornate wooden door was the closet. It wasn't where Elsa's things were kept. She slept and lived mainly in the royal bedchambers despite the fact that there was no king. She said she felt more haunted by her parents' memories in the Queen's Chambers than in the royal bedchamber, so the staff had moved her things into there instead.

The dressing room in the Queen's Chambers still had many pieces of their mother's clothing including several ballgowns that had been of significance as well as her wedding gown. It had been Queen Iduna's dream that her daughters would both marry wearing that same gown one day. Neither of them liked to think about that much.

Elsa crossed the closet and ran her fingers down the white lace of their mother's wedding gown. "Remember when Mama used to let us look at her dresses when we were kids?"

Anna closed her eyes momentarily.

"If you girls are very careful and promise to only look with your eyes, you may," Queen Iduna had said when her daughters had begged her to let them see her fanciest dresses.

Cheering, they'd promised. Many hours had been spent in that closet, admiring each and every dress, discussing memories of Mama wearing this or that dress to this or that function. Elsa had always thought that the royal blue dress with the gold trim was the prettiest, whereas Anna had been partial to the deep maroon dress with light pink decorations. Queen Iduna had looked positively stunning in both.

"Yes," Anna finally said, smiling. "I do."

"Here's the one you always liked best," Elsa said, pulling a sheet aside and uncovering the maroon ballgown.

Anna walked over to it tentatively, almost as if she were shy of it, and gently rubbed the fabric between her fingers. The gown had a tiny waist. "Wow," she murmured. "Mama was so tiny."

"She was," Elsa agreed. "She was about your height."

"She always seemed so much taller to me," Anna sighed.

"Yes, because you were little!"

They were quiet for several minutes and let the memories held within the garments roll over them like waterfalls. For some reason, Anna felt very close to her mother in that moment.

"This was all I had planned for the day," Elsa finally spoke. "Are you okay?"

Anna turned to her sister with shining eyes. "Yeah," she said, quietly. "Right now, I think I actually am."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I apologize in advance for this chapter. I wouldn't exactly call it writers block but... I don't know. The story was not forthcoming this chapter. It's not as long as I'd like but it'll do! I don't know. On a side note, all my stuff is un-beta'ed so if you've got a lead on a beta/proofreader for me, lemme know. This chapter is choppier than previous ones. Nothing was flowing quite right so I just didn't press it. However, I needed this one to segue into the next "movement" if you will. Anyway. I'll quit criticizing myself and move on. :)

** CHAPTER 7 **

That night, for the first time since before she was taken, Anna had asked Elsa to sleep in bed with her. They had slipped under the covers, side by side, hands clasped, and stared up into the dark. Neither had spoken for many minutes. Finally, Anna had squeezed her sister's hand and whispered a "good night, Elsa." Elsa had returned the sentiment and both were asleep within minutes, drained not only from the day's activities but also from the sheer amount of stress that had plagued their relationship for the past several days.

The following day had been a good one. Not as spectacular as the previous day, but good nonetheless. Elsa had found Anna zoning out on a few occasions and she did have one run-in with a torrent of flashbacks, but it was nowhere near as frequent as it had been before the day they spent together roaming the castle grounds.

The _next_ day was Anna's birthday. Elsa, who had again slept in her sister's bed, gently woke the redhead by singing _Hurra for Deg_ , the newest birthday song out of this part of the world. Anna's eyes fluttered open and at first she seemed confused.

"Elsa…?" Her teal eyes struggled to focus. "Wh-what're you…"

Lying on her pillow, face to face with her sister, Elsa was overcome with the urge to lean forward and kiss her. It was such a small space that separated them, but she knew Anna couldn't handle that yet. Still, it had been so _long_ since she'd done it that she found herself almost aching for it.

 _I'm just so glad you're here,_ she wanted to say. Instead, what she said was, "happy birthday, Anna."

"You're not going to pull the covers off me again, are you?" Anna asked sleepily, stretching her arms overhead.

Elsa laughed out loud, the memory of Anna's excitement from the previous year darting across her mind. "No," she said. "If I pulled the covers off _you,_ I'd be pulling them off _me_ , too!"

"Good point." Rolling onto her back, Anna folded her hands behind her head and lazily closed her eyes. "What's the plan for today?" She asked without looking at Elsa.

"No plans, really," Elsa answered. She wished desperately that the circumstances were different and that Anna felt up to having a _real_ party. Elsa's birthday was in December and the cold, harsh winter weather had always prevented her from having real parties. Anna, having a summer birthday, had always been able to have parties outside in the gardens or even swimming in the fjord. Not that Elsa had been invited to those parties a majority of the years, but she'd been able to see from the window and hear about it from staff, her parents and even Anna herself (through her closed bedroom door, that is.) "I figured we'd have Gerda make a cake and then, like you asked, have just a few people in to celebrate." Before Anna could say a word, Elsa added, "and _yes,_ Sven can come inside the castle!"

A grin split Anna's face and Elsa wished she could burn the sight into her memory forever. "Can we help Gerda with the cake?"

" _You_ can," Elsa said, laughing. "I always get in the way. Besides, I have a few things I have to do this morning."

Panic flitted across Anna's features as she rolled quickly to her side to face Elsa again. "Y-you're not coming with me?" Her voice had gone from fairly solid to almost meek in a matter of seconds. _She's scared,_ Elsa realized. Despite Anna's seemingly tough bravado of the last few days, the idea of being without Elsa, even for a short time, was apparently frightening right now.

Elsa brushed some of Anna's unruly red hair out of her eyes. "I just have to take care of a few things. There're two decrees that I need to proofread and…" She saw Anna's eyes starting to gloss. "…And none of that really has to be done today," she finished. "Come on. Let's get up. You and I are going to help Gerda bake a cake."

Anna surged forward and threw her arms around her sister. Elsa was stunned momentarily. This was the first real contact Anna had initiated since her return.

"I love you, Elsa," Anna whispered against her sister's neck.

Swallowing hard against the lump lodged in her throat, Elsa managed to return, "I love you more."

It was strange, she thought, how really nothing else mattered. She was still reeling from Anna's attempted suicide just days before. She was still wracked with guilt over the whole situation. But when Anna had her arms around her and told her she loved her, none of that made a difference at all. In the end, Elsa knew, nothing mattered but the love they had for one another.

* * *

The thudding sound that Sven made when his hooves slid out from under him on the hard, marble floor of the castle reverberated throughout the room. The reindeer bawled quietly in embarrassment, trying without much success to gain purchase on the slippery floor. Kristoff attempted to bolster Sven from one side but they both ended up in a heap on the floor.

Anna hadn't laughed this hard in a _very_ long time. Her sides ached and tears ran down her cheeks. Finally, Elsa made a small patch of snow on the floor which Sven was able to stand on. The only problem was that he couldn't move from that spot! So whenever he wanted to go somewhere, Elsa had to create a snow path for him. This just made Anna laugh even harder.

It wasn't a big party — just a few people, as Anna had requested. Kristoff, Sven and Olaf were there, along with Kai, Gerda, Lara, Ingrid and Astrid, the closest people Anna and Elsa had to family. The event was held in the smallest of the castle's ballrooms, although in hindsight Elsa realized she should have had it in a carpeted room for the sake of Sven. Marble floors were not conducive to hooves. However, the amusement that his slipping had brought Anna made it worth it. Sven endured it like a trooper. For a reindeer, he really was remarkably aware.

"How's she doing?" Kristoff asked, coming up beside Elsa as Anna and Gerda disappeared to retrieve the cake.

"Um," Elsa stalled. She new nobody had told Kristoff about Anna's fall from the balcony of her room some nights before. He had been off harvesting ice at the time of the incident and by the time he had come around again (which was tonight, actually) it would have been awkward to bring it up, especially with Anna feeling so well. "She's doing better, I-I think." Elsa tried to keep the quiver out of her voice but didn't quite succeed.

If Kristoff noticed her voice wavering, he didn't say anything about it. "How have her flashbacks been? Any panic attacks?"

Elsa gnawed on her lip. "No," she finally said. "Well, not many. Nowhere near as many as she _was_ having." It wouldn't do to worry Kristoff about anything now. Besides, he was Anna's friend really, not Elsa's. It should be Anna's decision when, if ever, to tell him. "She really seems to be doing better."

Kristoff's shoulders relaxed a tiny bit. "Good. I've been really worried about her."

"We all have," Elsa answered truthfully. "Sometimes I want to just shake her and snap her out of it but I know that won't help."

"No, it won't," Kristoff agreed. "But I know what you mean. She was always so… _happy_ , you know? So joyful. Nothing ever kept her down. Until now." His face darkened at the thought of what 'now' meant. "If I ever see that bastard again…" Kristoff's voice trailed off in warning.

"You'll kill him?" Elsa supplied.

"In short," Kristoff responded.

"You'll have to get in line." Elsa scowled. "I think there are several people in this kingdom who would love to get their hands on him. Not the least of which, me!"

Anna and Gerda entered the room again, carrying between them a gigantic chocolate cake. It reminded Elsa of the chocolate cake she had made little snow figures for on Anna's fifth birthday, except it had one extra tier.

"Whoa!" Kristoff exclaimed. "There's going to be a ton of that cake left over! That's a huge cake for only ten people!"

Elsa chuckled. "I know. But you know how Anna is. She likes to go grandiose whenever possible."

"She deserves it," Kristoff said fondly, a touch of sadness lacing his words. "She deserves the best."

"That she does," Elsa agreed, feeling her own eyes mist over. "That she does."

* * *

Whenever he approached Princess Anna these days, Kristoff always felt as though he were approaching a wild animal. It reminded him a little bit of finding Sven all those years ago. Kristoff had been out walking in the forest, not far from the city, looking for anything edible. He had been only seven years old and hadn't eaten in nearly a day, his last food being something he'd found in a scrap pile behind someone's home. He had been approaching a grove of trees when he'd heard a sound. At first he thought it was a baby crying but when he stopped to listen, he'd realized it sounded more like an animal. After following the sound, he'd discovered a filthy, shivering, grayish lump beside the base of a tree.

At first, Kristoff had thought it was a bear cub and was about to run for his life. He knew that where there was a bear cub there was usually a mama bear, and _that_ was not something he wanted to deal with. Ever. However, when the lump had unfolded itself just a little, Kristoff had seen the small beginnings of antlers and the biggest, saddest pair of brown eyes he'd ever seen.

 _"_ _You're a_ reindeer," _Kristoff whispered. "Why are you all alone, little guy?"_

_The reindeer bawled pitifully. He shrank back against the tree trunk, scared of Kristoff but too weak to move any further or get up and walk._

_"_ _You must be starving," Kristoff said, staying where he was so as not to frighten the creature any more than he already had. "I'll go find something for you to eat. Or, wait, you probably only drink milk, don't you?" Kristoff sat on a rock a few feet from the reindeer calf. How was he going to get milk all the way back here? He stood up, determined. "You stay here. I have no idea how in the world I'm going to do this, but I'm going to save you."_

It had taken that reindeer calf, whom Kristoff immediately started calling Sven, several days to get fully comfortable with Kristoff, and every time that Kristoff approached Sven he had gotten this cornered look in his eyes. It was the same look that Anna would get from time to time when someone approached her. It was enough to break Kristoff's heart whenever he saw it. He would never, ever in a million _years_ do anything to harm Anna. He knew that _she_ knew that, but it was the knee-jerk reaction of fear and panic that always made itself known first. Even though her eyes would always clear within seconds, it still made his fists clench with the desire to beat the life out of Hans.

"Anna," Kristoff said softly while he was still at least ten feet away from the princess, who was facing away from him. He saw her shoulders tense for a short moment before her brain recognized his voice. When she turned around, her face was relaxed and her posture neutral. She was not fearful in that moment, a fact which greatly relieved Kristoff. "How are you liking your little party?"

"It's great," she said quietly. A small smile lit her features and Kristoff desperately wanted to hug her. He knew better, though. "It's exactly what I wanted. You were right, all I needed to do was tell Elsa what I wanted. Or, actually, what I _didn't_ want."

"I knew she would understand," Kristoff said, smiling gently. "She loves you."

"I know," came the instant response.

Gerda bustled by and handed each of them a plate of the cake that she had just cut. They thanked her and each took a bite. Anna's eyes fell closed and she sighed deeply.

Kristoff laughed. "Chocolate was always your weak spot."

"Still is," Anna mumbled around a mouthful of cake. "Always."

* * *

There was something nagging at Anna. Something tugging at a corner of her brain like a tiny fishhook. As the panic and terror receded bit by bit, each day an improvement over the last, she became more and more aware of the fact that she was _forgetting_ something. Something important. Something very important.

For days, Anna tried to recall what it was. Was it something she'd meant to tell someone? Something she needed to do?

She tried everything she could to jog her memory. This was a dangerous task, though, because jogging her memory sometimes brought up things she didn't _want_ to remember. This, in turn, actually brought back the panic attacks that she had been working so hard to eradicate. After suffering from three in one day, Elsa finally asked her what was going on.

"There's something I'm supposed to remember," Anna had said, her voice hoarse from exertion. She was sprawled out on the sofa in Elsa's study, too afraid to be by herself lest the demons barge into her mind again. "But I just can't remember it."

"So you're trying to remember it and it's bringing back these panic attacks?" Elsa asked. She was perched on the edge of her desk, one foot swinging in the air.

Anna nodded and pulled a throw pillow over her face. "It's important, Elsa. And I have to remember it."

Ironically, it wasn't until she _stopped_ trying to remember it that it came to her. A week after her birthday party, Anna was again sitting in Elsa's study, watching her sister work. It was mid-afternoon and Anna hadn't slept particularly well the previous night. It had been a night full of vivid and awful dreams. Thankfully, nights like that were becoming less frequent. When they did happen, however, they were brutal.

Anna's eyelids drooped. She was _so tired_ and it was just so _warm_ in here and she just felt so _safe_ with Elsa nearby. She tried to sit up straighter in her chair to keep sleep at bay, but it was a losing battle and she knew it. Propping her elbow on the arm of the chair, Anna rested her cheek in her hand and within seconds was asleep and dreaming.

_It's dark… so dark… why is it so dark? Is that fog? I must be outside. But where am I? It's so cold out here. This is weird, it's July now, it shouldn't be this cold. I'm just going to walk this way… maybe I'll find something familiar and be able to figure out where I am._

_Oh, that's a tree, okay, let's go this way… oops, another tree! God, I can't see a thing. Even with my arms out like this I can't find my way anywhere… wait, what's that sound?_

_It sounds like…_

_Like…. voices! They're coming from that way. Okay, I'm going to follow them._

_What's that weird light? I can see…. the castle?! I see that castle! Oh good, I'm almost there! But why is it glowing blue? That's what happens when Elsa's magic is— oh my God! Elsa!_

_"_ _I hear you, I hear you!"_

_Was that me screaming that? Didn't sound like my voice but it must be. Ugh, who put a rock there? Now I'm going to have a hole in my dress and Elsa will yell… Elsa! I've got to keep going!_

_Wow, this wall is really high. I can't climb it because I can't get a foothold or handhold.. wait, here's a crack. I'll peek through._

_Oh God. Elsa… no…_

_Who is that? Who tied her up like that?_

_No. No. I would know that red hair anywhere._

_I can't yell because he'd hear me.. I've got to get in there somehow._

_What does he mean she'd be a valuable commodity? She's a_ queen! _Not an object. He just wants her…. of course, he just wants her for her ice powers. The Southern Isles is a warmer climate than Arendelle and of course they'd need ice._

 _He trapped her. The son-of-a-bitch trapped Elsa, using_ me _to lure her out._

_I've got to warn her. I have to tell her to agree to him because if she doesn't, he'll—_

Anna's eyes snapped open. For several seconds, she lay perfectly still, not even breathing. All at once, everything from the dream fell into place. Anna remembered. She leaped out of her chair, turning toward her sister.

"Elsa, I remembered what I—" She stopped abruptly. Somehow Anna, who had been waking up at every single minute sound in the castle for the past several weeks since returning from captivity, had managed to sleep through something _major._

The desk was as it had been. The quill still had ink on the tip, but the chair was now empty. Elsa was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This is tentatively the end of the story. This story was more about the twists and turns in Anna and Elsa's relationship as sisters (and lovers, although there wasn't much focus on that) than about gore and violence and action. I've read SO MANY amazing stories that are just packed with action and I cannot measure up. At least not yet. This story was a "come as you are" story, meaning I just took what came to my brain and ran with it in the direction it seemed to need to go. I haven't decided yet if I'll put up an epilogue or not. For now, I'm saying it's complete. XO

**CHAPTER 8**

The feeling of punching Hans in the face had been just as satisfying for Anna the second time as it had been the first. This time, however, he was just standing on the ground as opposed to on the edge of a ship, and so the dramatic effect had been greatly reduced. Still, she got a good, strong punch in and her hand was still aching pleasantly, several hours later.

It had taken her an hour to search the entire castle and learn from all the staff that no one knew where Elsa had gone. Everyone was particularly worried because the temperature outside had taken a sudden, unseasonable drop. Anna had stood outside the castle door, shivering, looking at the sky. She had seen the fog rolling in and had known exactly what had happened.

The thought that she should probably go find Kristoff and drag him along with her had crossed her mind, but she also knew time was of the essence and it would've taken far too long to go hunt him down, inform him of the situation and _then_ go find Elsa. So Anna opted just to do it herself, although she admitted it would have been handy to have Sven for transportation purposes.

She should have known, however, that Kristoff would always come through when she needed him. It seemed that was how Hans was destined to suffer his indignations: in front of Anna, Elsa, Kristoff and Sven (even though this time Elsa was unconscious and couldn't technically see it.) When Hans was down for the count, it was just the four of them. Just as it should be.

Now, in a role-reversal that just couldn't be ignored, Anna found herself at _Elsa's_ bedside, holding her hand and all but begging her to wake up.

* * *

_Anna peered through the crack in the stone wall. She had known it would be there; her dream had prepared her well. In the old, forgotten outpost that had once belonged to the branch of Arendelle's military that had protected the castle itself, Elsa lay chained up on the dirty ground._

_"_ _I knew you'd come," Hans snarled. "Knew you couldn't resist that letter I sent."_

_"_ _I knew it was you," Elsa groaned, and for the first time Anna noticed the gash on the side of her head. Crimson blood matted her beautiful blonde hair and dripped slowly, agonizingly, down the side of her face. "I c-couldn't risk it. I couldn't let you hurt her again."_

_Hans strutted cockily around Elsa, counter-clockwise. "It's a shame," he tutted, "that Anna wouldn't give you up sooner. I didn't want to have to hurt her, you know." He tapped his finger against his chin. "Such a_ sweet _girl."_

 _Elsa growled and pulled on her chains. Anna noticed it was the same kind of shackles they had in the castle dungeon — the kind that went over the whole hand. Anna had never seen shackles such as this until she'd visited their dungeons after Elsa told her about them. It made Anna wonder just exactly_ who _her parents had expected to imprison down there._

 _"_ _You are a monster, Hans, and you will rot in hell for what you've done." Elsa's voice was growing weaker but her words were solid. "And I will see you there for what_ I've _done."_

_"_ _Save me a seat," Hans hissed into Elsa's face. "Because you'll be there first if you don't agree to my terms. If I can't have you, no one can."_

* * *

"I got him, Elsa," Anna whispered. "You held him off as long as you could, then I did the rest." She squeezed her sister's hand where it lay limp at her side. "Well, Kristoff helped. So did Sven, actually. He took a sword to the shoulder but he's going to be fine. Kristoff said it's a superficial wound and he's a tough reindeer." The memory of Sven's bawling made her wince. "Well, pretty tough, anyway."

Anna stared at Elsa's face as she slept. Was she actually sleeping? Or was she just simply unconscious? Her chest rose and fell rhythmically and Anna found herself wishing it were any other normal night and they were just in bed together, drifting off to sleep at the same time.

"I miss those days," Anna said out loud. Elsa couldn't hear her, so what did it matter what she said? "Those days when we first found out we were in love with each other. Things were so much _easier_ then, weren't they? Hans was nowhere around and couldn't threaten us. Things were so _safe._ " Letting Elsa's hand go, Anna picked at a loose thread on the bedspread. "But then I had to go and let my guard down for too long and Hans…"

* * *

 _"_ _I would love to see your sister's face when she realizes you're gone," Hans spat into Anna's face. "Her facial expression when she realizes it was_ me _who took you would be even better. Pity I'll have to miss it."_

_Anna fought the urge to kick his feet out from under him. She thought of her sister, of the castle, of Arendelle in general and felt her chest tighten both with homesickness and resolve. "You can do whatever you want, Hans. I won't talk to you. I know what you want."_

_"_ _Oh, do you?" Hans' smirk took on an even more evil quality. He reminded Anna of a jack-o-lantern they'd carved on Halloween — leering and terrifying. "And what is it that I want?"_

_"_ _Elsa," Anna answered immediately. "You want Elsa because you want to harness her powers. Or completely ruin her to the point that she'll do your bidding. Because you're a power-hungry bastard who—"_

_Hans laughed, his head tipping back. "Now, now, Anna. Such language." He gripped her chin in his fingers. "A pretty girl like you shouldn't say such foul things."_

_Several beats passed and then Hans turned to the General. "Get information out of her. I'm losing patience already and it's dinner time. I don't like to be kept waiting, as you know." And with that, he strode from the tent._

* * *

Anna had found it ridiculous how Hans still acted as though he were royalty. The reality of the situation was that they'd been in a dirty, tattered tent and Hans didn't, in fact, have an entire army of people outside at his beck and call as he would have Anna believe. The soldiers of the Southern Isles didn't care where their women came from so long as they had a few around at any given time. Hans may have gone rogue but his whereabouts were still unknown. Well, they _had_ been, until recently.

Now, former-Prince Hans of the Southern Isles was at the bottom of a rather massive ravine up in the mountains. He'd put up a fight on the way up there (hitting Sven with his sword at one point) but ultimately Elsa's second-born creation, Marshmallow, had come through and effortlessly tossed the vile man off the edge of the cliff without a second thought. Anna had, as an afterthought, mentioned it to one of the castle guards who promised to contact General Furstberg of the army and have someone retrieve the body.

"He's gone now, Elsa," Anna promised. "He can't ever hurt us, or anyone else, _ever_ again. Now I just need _you_ to come back to me." When Elsa didn't stir, Anna pressed a kiss to the palm of her sister's hand, closing her eyes and pulling Elsa's hand against her cheek. "Please, Elsa. I can't do this without you. I can't run a kingdom. I can't even keep a _plant_ alive, much less an entire population. Remember when we used to play soldiers with our dolls? You always got frustrated because I couldn't engage in war with you. I always cried when my dolls would 'die.' I'm just not cut out for this…"

Anna almost jumped out of her skin when Elsa spoke. "Papa warned me."

"Wh-what?" Had she just hallucinated Elsa's voice? Elsa's eyes were still closed.

But then she spoke again. "Papa warned me… not to let you become queen."

 _That_ was not what Anna had expected to hear. She wasn't sure whether to be offended that Papa had said that or elated that Elsa was awake; she decided to go with the latter. "I c-could never be qu-queen…" Tears welled up in Anna's eyes and spilled over. "Elsa, please don't ever leave me like that again."

"Hey now," Elsa whispered, opening her eyes. She rubbed her thumb over her sister's cheek. "I didn't leave you. I just… went away for a little." Suddenly she started to try to sit up. "Hans!" Elsa's delicate fists clenched at her sides. "Wait…" she relaxed. "I heard you.. he's gone?"

"Gone." Anna made a slashing motion over her throat. "All the way gone this time. Promise."

Elsa stared at Anna, a mixture of awe and horror written on her face. "Y-you had to see… oh, Anna! What did you have to witness? Where did he… I—uh.. how…" She shook her head (wincing slightly as she did so) and pressed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. "How is he gone?"

Despite her sister's bumbling, Anna understood what Elsa was concerned about. She was worried that after _everything_ that Anna had already had to go through, that Hans' demise would damage her even further; she was worried that more trauma had already been added onto Anna's conscience. Anna quickly pulled Elsa's hands away from her eyes. "It's okay, Elsa. I'd be more traumatized by the idea of him still be alive. I'd be constantly afraid I'd find him looming around somewhere. You don't have to worry about — about _me._ "

Elsa eyed her warily. "I _always_ have to worry about you."

Huffing in mock indignation, Anna looked down her nose at her sister. "I am perfectly capable of handling myself, thank you!"

"Uh-huh, and that's why you still slide down the banisters instead of walking like a normal person? Or eat olives off your fingertips?"

Anna laughed at Elsa's smirk. "Okay, well I never said I was queen material!"

Elsa poked Anna's side. "No, in fact you said you _weren't!"_ She closed her eyes momentarily. Sobering, she said, "I'd hate for you to have to be queen, anyway."

"Why is that?"

Elsa's lovely face twisted in discomfort, physical or mental Anna couldn't be sure. "Too much pressure. So many rules. 'You must conduct yourself _properly.'_ 'You must always be _diplomatic.'"_ An adorable nose scrunch. "Well, sometimes I just want to swear at someone and stomp away."

"I… can't quite picture that," Anna said truthfully. Her sister had always been the level-headed one, certainly as children and still now. In fact, the sudden outburst at her coronation party when she'd first accidentally unleashed her ice powers in front of everyone was the most emotion Anna had seen Elsa show in.. well, maybe _ever._ It was hard, even now, to imagine Elsa being stroppy in any way.

"I suppose that's for the best," Elsa sighed, her eyelids starting to droop.

Anna laid down beside her sister. "You need to rest, Elsa. You got hit in the head pretty hard and lost quite a bit of blood."

"That would explain why my head hurts so much." Gingerly, Elsa felt the bandage near her temple. "I suppose I'll have a lovely scar."

"No one will notice," Anna assured her. "You've got such thick hair, nobody will be able to see it once it grows back." Her eyes twinkled.

" _Grows back?"_ Elsa shrieked, her hand flying to the top of her head. "Anna, you weasel!" She scowled at her laughing sister. "I would look so hideous if I were bald."

Anna, on impulse, leaned forward and pecked her sister's cheek. "No, you'd still be beautiful." At Elsa's slight blush she affirmed it. "You're beautiful no matter what."

* * *

King Magnus of the Southern Isles sent several letters to Arendelle over the next month and a half. He must have written some of them before his late son, Hans, returned to Arendelle to attempt to finish what he'd started when he kidnapped Anna all those months before, because the tone of the letter abruptly changed about halfway through. At first they had been reserved, of course regal in quality, but speaking of how the Southern Isles hoped to fully reconcile things with Arendelle.

Elsa had scoffed when she read those first few letters. Anyone with a brain in their head knew that the main reason the Southern Isles wanted to be on good terms with Arendelle was because they were in desperate need of ice. The climate was much drier there than in Arendelle and they'd had a particularly dry winter. Summer was looking like it would also be extreme, and she knew King Magnus would be suffering for ice.

However, when it became more clear exactly what Hans had tried to do, the inflection of the letters had changed dramatically. While it was clear that King Magnus was grieving the loss of his son, his letters became downright apologetic. It seemed that now that Hans had actually journeyed to Arendelle (once again) with the intent of committing treason (once again), King Magnus realized the seriousness of the matter and the implications his youngest son's actions could have on his country. Why he didn't realize that any sooner, Elsa didn't know.

On the twenty-first of August, King Magnus himself sailed to Arendelle to meet with Elsa and Anna. Mainly Elsa, but he requested that Anna be there too. Anna had at first balked, wanting nothing to do with anyone from the Southern Isles ever again, but had eventually agreed because she didn't want Elsa to have to face him alone. The three weeks between the letter announcing his visit and the day he actually arrived were rife with flashbacks and panic attacks for the younger royal of Arendelle. Try as she might, Elsa couldn't keep the demons at bay for her sister.

The morning of the king's arrival dawned warm and clear. Elsa awoke early, got dressed and sent for a tea tray, which she took onto the balcony of her room. Sipping her tea, Elsa stared out at the fjord, waiting. When the ship flying the flag of the Southern Isles came into view minutes later, Elsa set down her tea, now rapidly becoming iced tea, and went to wake up her sister.

* * *

Poor Lara had been trying for twenty minutes to get Anna's corset laced up but the princess was so worked up that Lara finally had to send for Elsa. Now, Elsa wasn't fairing much better.

"Anna, you have to slow your breathing down. I can't lace your corset properly when you're hyperventilating."

Anna clutched onto the bedpost so tightly that her knuckles were white. "I'm sorry!" She gasped. "I'm t-trying." Her head dropped forward against her arms. "Oh God, I'm so dizzy."

Guiding her sister by the waist, Elsa brought her to the edge of the bed. "Come sit down. I don't want you passing out." The queen gathered up her sister's shaking hands and held them tightly. She watched Anna's eyes close as she struggled to regain control over her breathing. "What's happening? Are you having a flashback?"

Anna shook her head sharply.

"Panic?"

Anna's slender shoulders shrugged.

"Just worried about seeing King Magnus?"

Aquamarine eyes opened, followed by a slight head nod.

Elsa looked her sister square in the eye. "It's going to be fine. I promise you. Kai and Gerda have already asked several of the guards to stand right outside both entrances to the room at all times. General Furstberg sent several men to the castle, just in case. Not to mention you've got another secret weapon that nobody else has."

"I do?" Anna asked. "What is it?"

Elsa's blue eyes sparkled and snapped. "Me."

* * *

In the end, King Magnus had come mainly to apologize. Not only for everything that had just transpired but for Hans' behavior at the time of Elsa's coronation. He mentioned how he regretted ever sending Hans to Arendelle in the first place.

"Any of my other sons wouldn't have done this," the king had declared.

Elsa had shaken her head, though. "Not true. You are aware that Prince Lukas was part of this original plan when Anna was taken some months ago."

Prince Lukas had not accompanied Hans on his trip to Arendelle, but Elsa understood that he had been "properly dealt with" back at home after being turned in by the General, of all people, who had had a sudden stroke of conscience just before dying of an _actual_ stroke. From what Elsa had been told, Prince Lukas was still being held in the dungeons of the castle — a place Elsa could envision well.

"That is true," King Magnus had conceded. He had gone on to say that he hoped things were not beyond repair and that the two countries could still do business with one another. Anna was glad to note that King Magnus made no mention of Elsa's ice powers. She wasn't sure if it was out of respect for the queen or if it was because he was afraid she'd showcase said powers in a not-so-benign way if he brought the subject up. After everything that had happened, no one would blame Elsa if she "accidentally" sent an ice spear his way.

After Elsa had graciously agreed to keep the trade routes between the countries open and functioning and had sent King Magnus off with one of her council members to see about establishing a regular trade of herbs for ice, Anna and Elsa were once again alone in the study. Still recovering from her head injury, Elsa often grew tired rapidly. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to alleviate what felt like an oncoming headache.

"You okay?" Anna asked, coming up behind her sister and gently massaging her shoulders. She felt Elsa's taut muscles ripple and eventually relax under her fingertips.

"Mm-hmm," came the drowsy response after a minute. "Glad that meeting is over."

"It was kind of anticlimactic," Anna teased. "I was kind of hoping you'd turn his beard into hoarfrost."

Elsa laughed quietly. "I try _not_ to turn people into Yetis whenever possible. Our relationship with the Southern Isles is strained enough as it is without sending their king home looking like an icicle." She tipped her head back to look up at her sister. "Besides, he didn't do anything wrong."

"Except father the most horrible human on the planet," Anna grumbled petulantly.

"True." A sigh left Elsa's lips. "But let's not talk about him now. Or ever again, really."

"Deal."

Anna looked down into Elsa's arctic blue eyes. Even though Elsa was looking at her upside down, she couldn't help but admire the beauty of her older sister's face. They were only twenty and twenty-three but already they'd had far too many times in their lives where they'd thought they'd never see each other again. Anna wished she could say she couldn't imagine losing Elsa but the fact was she _could_ imagine it; she'd had to imagine it several times already. She fervently hoped she would never have to again.

"What are you thinking about?" Elsa broke through Anna's reverie with her soft voice.

"You," Anna answered immediately. "As usual."

"Good things I hope."

Without giving herself time to question it, Anna followed her impulse and leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on her sister's lips. "Always."


End file.
